


Recovery

by ARtheBard



Series: JEmily Forever [21]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-12-03 01:44:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 23,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11521929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ARtheBard/pseuds/ARtheBard
Summary: Emily and JJ survived Doyle...or did they? What if his ghost is too strong for Emily to outrun? What will JJ do to get her wife back? Maybe love doesn't really conquer everything after all.





	1. Chapter 1

The doctor allows the ultrasound to go on a little longer than normal, knowing what her patients had been through. When she finally brings it to an end, she grabs her clipboard as JJ helps Emily get her clothes resituated.

“You have a very, very strong baby there, Emily.”

Emily smiles. “I know. And it’s okay? Totally okay?”

“Everything we can see says yes it is okay. Now it’s you I’m worried about. I doubt it surprises you that your blood pressure is elevated. Your body is fighting to heal your cuts and bruises, not to mention heal your mind. I’m ordering you a week of bed rest.”

“A week?” Emily shouts.

“Emily, calm down,” JJ cautions her.

The brunette looks from her wife to the monitor beeping loudly. As a precaution a blood pressure monitor had been clipped to her finger. She leans her head against JJ.

“I’ll go nuts, JJ. I need to get back to work; back to my normal.”

JJ lifts Emily’s chin and looks her in the eye. “You just called me ‘JJ.’ Tell me again how you don’t need a bit of a break to recover.”

Emily stares into blue eyes filled with concern. Finally her shoulders slump. “Okay. One week. But maybe you can bring some files home for me? Jennifer, I need to work. I need to…to show he didn’t break me. Please?”

JJ stares into scared brown eyes. She looks to the doctor. “If she works at home and takes breaks?”

The doctor thinks a moment then nods. “But I want her blood pressure checked regularly. Three times a day. Four if it gets elevated.”

JJ nods. “Deal.” She looks at Emily. “Guess we need to teach Henry how to work the blood pressure cuff.”

Emily manages a small smile. “Yeah.”

The doctor stands and hands a card to JJ. “If you need anything, call me. This is my cell. Don’t worry about calling the answering service. I’m on call for you all 24/7 from now on.”

JJ smiles and tucks the card in her pocket. “Thank you. We really appreciate everything.”

The doctor looks down, shame in her eyes. “This shit started in my parking lot. It’s the least I could do.”

Emily reaches out and takes her hand. “It started many years ago. It wasn’t your fault. And the precautions you took by installing the cameras helped. Thank you.”

The doctor sighs. “I’ll keep telling myself that. I’ll let you know if it works,” she says with a grin. “Take care, ladies. See you in two weeks.”

As the doctor leaves, JJ turns to Emily. “I love you. Please, please get some rest.” She traces her finger just under the 4 stitches on Emily’s cheek. “Your body and our baby need to relax a little.”

Emily leans her head into the touch. “I’ll do my best. I promise.”

JJ leans close and gives her a kiss. “I’ll hold you to that, Mrs. Prentiss.” She pulls her into a hug. “I love you so much. Are…are you going to call Dr. Westfallen?”

“Yes. Tomorrow. Today I need…I need my family and sleep. And maybe a burger.”

JJ smiles. “I think I can get you all three of those things.”

When they get out to the Camry, Emily stops JJ’s hand before she can turn the key in the ignition.

“I need you to know something,” Emily says nervously.

JJ stares at her. “Okay.”

Emily stares out the windshield of the car. “I…I said something to Ian when the midwife was there. I said it so he thought I was saying it about him. But it was about you. I’m sorry, Jen. He didn’t deserve to hear it; to even think it was about him.”

JJ takes Emily’s hand. “What did you say?”

“The midwife said the baby was okay; that it was a fighter. And…and I said I hoped he grows up to be a man just like his daddy.” Emily winces just saying the words. “He thought I meant him.” She turns and looks at her wife. “In my head I was thinking I want the baby to be like you: strong, smart, loving, open, patient, all the things that make you wonderful. I hate myself for even letting him think it was about him.”

JJ leans over the arm rest and kisses Emily gently. “I’m only going to say this because I know you need to hear it: I forgive you. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it as much as I need to: you did what you had to do to survive. And that is all that matters to me. You are alive and I don’t care what you had to do a long as you’re here with me. I love you, Emily. Now and always,” she promises as she runs her finger over Emily’s wedding band.

“I love you, Jennifer. I’m so sorry I brought this horror into your life.”

“Stop it,” JJ orders. “Stop with the guilt, Emily. Let’s get you home so your mind and heart can start healing.”

The two women head for home, their hands clutched together on the armrest.


	2. Chapter 2

When they arrive home, Elizabeth and Sandy meet them at the door from the garage into the house.

“Everything is okay?” Elizabeth asks nervously.

Emily forces a smile to her face. “The baby is okay. My blood pressure is a little up so I’m on bed rest for a week.” She squeezes her mother’s hand. “I’ll be just fine, Mom. Promise.”

Elizabeth hugs her, kissing her carefully on the cheek. Her face is a mass of bruises in addition to the gash she got in her final showdown with Doyle. “I love you, Emmy. And I know you’ll be fine but…but we need to talk. Now.”

Emily tries to protest but Elizabeth leads her upstairs to the master bedroom. Emily can only look over her shoulder at JJ and shrug. JJ looks at her mother.

“What’s going on?” she asks nervously. “She’s not going to try to take her away, is she?”

Sandy shakes her head. “No. She’s going to have a conversation to undo a lot of the damage she did to Emily when she was a child.”

JJ starts after them. “No! No way! Emily doesn’t need the added stress of—”

“Jenny, stop. I swear to you: if I thought what Elizabeth has to say would hurt Emily I’d have stopped her myself. But I think to heal, to really, truly heal, Emily needs to hear what her mother has to say. Trust me, Jenny. Please.”

JJ looks from her mother to the stairs and back again. Her shoulders slump. “Okay. But she better not try to take her from here.”

“She won’t. She knows she would only lose Emily again if she tried.”

JJ just nods, hating being away from Emily right now. She can’t stand to have her wife out of her sight and is not sure when that feeling will end.

Upstairs in the bedroom, Emily sits heavily on the bed as Elizabeth paces. Finally Emily reaches out and grabs her hand impatiently.

“What, Mother?”

Elizabeth stops and stares at her daughter. “I’ve done so wrong by you, Emily. I don’t even know where to begin.”

Emily stares at her in frustration. “Mother, I’m tired and I hurt. I can’t have caffeine or pain pills. Please just get to the point. My mind can’t handle this right now.”

Elizabeth sits down beside her daughter. “I spent years telling you tears were weakness. I told you a Prentiss and a Dupois never lets anyone see her emotions. How you overcame that I’ll never know. But I do know you will let Jennifer see your pain, your fear. In the two weeks you were missing, I…I couldn’t stop showing my emotions. Sandy held me, your father held me, even Alan, bless his heart, held me. And it took their actions to make me see tears are not weakness; they don’t make people think less of you. And then Sandy told me about the changes she’s seen in you since she met you. The biggest one she’s noticed is your ability to share your feelings; to hug people; to show how much you love them. Emily, I should have been teaching you that from the time you were a little girl. I am so sorry that it took someone else to teach you that. And I want to thank you for teaching it to me…though you could have used a different lesson plan,” she finishes with a nervous smile.

By the time her mother finishes, Emily’s raw emotions have tears streaming down her cheeks. “I…I…I don’t know what to say, Mother.”

“Say you forgive me?” Elizabeth says hopefully.

Emily pulls her into a hug. “Done. I forgive you…Mom. And I’m glad you’re finally feeling how free emotions can make you feel. I love you.”

“I love you, too, baby. Now, I bet you want to lie down for a while, right?”

“Yes. But…I need another shower first.”

Elizabeth sits back and stares into her daughter’s eyes. “Emily…do you swear to me he didn’t rape you?” she asks quietly.

Emily stares back. “Yes, Mom, I swear.”

Elizabeth slowly nods. “Okay.” She kisses Emily’s forehead. “Take your shower, baby. I’ll let Jennifer know you’ll be laying down when you’re done.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

After Elizabeth leaves, Emily walks into the bathroom. She slowly removes her clothes. So far she had been unable to look at herself in the mirror. She is scared of what she would see. She turns the shower on as hot as she can get it without burning her skin. She’s not sure she’ll ever feel clean again.

Standing in the hot spray, letting it pour over her body, not caring that the water hurts the gash in her cheek, she lets her tears mingle with the water. Will she ever stop crying every five minutes? Probably not anytime soon.

“Em?”

Emily eases open the shower door to see JJ standing there looking worried. “I’m okay. Just…feel so fucking dirty.” Emily leans her head against the wall when she sees the questioning look on JJ’s face. “He didn’t rape me, Jen. I swear,” she says quietly. “It’s all the things I…I let him do. They just make me feel like a slut and a whore all over again.”

JJ steps to her, not caring about the water. She pulls her wife into a hug as sobs again wrack the taller woman’s body.

“You’re not a whore or a slut. Never were. You don’t sleep around; you never did. And what you did these last two weeks was about survival. I won’t stop telling you that. I’ll tell you until you believe it and then I’ll tell you again whenever the doubts sneak in. I love you, Emily Prentiss.”

Emily clings to JJ. Letting the water and the love cleanse her heart and soul. Finally Emily leans back and looks at her now soaking wife.

“I…I’m sorry about your clothes.”

JJ smiles at her. “You can buy me new ones.”

Emily manages as small smile. “You just want an excuse to drag me shopping.”

JJ chuckles. “Well, you can just send your credit card with me. How’s that sound?”

Emily chuckles, a sound JJ loves, “That sounds dangerous, Jennifer. Very, very dangerous.”

JJ gives her a kiss. “Well, we’ll figure it out. Why don’t you finish up. Someone wants to take a nap with his mama.”

Emily’s eyes brighten. “Yeah? He does?”

“If he doesn’t stop throwing a tantrum and chanting your name soon all the grandparents may run away.”

Pride surges through Emily. “Okay. Give me five minutes.”

JJ nods and steps back. She studies the bruises on her wife for a moment. The nasty purple bruises on her neck are perfect imprints of Ian Doyle’s hands. Despite the stitches and terrible bruising on Emily’s face, to JJ the handprints are the worst injury her wife has endured. And they are a scary reminder to JJ that just a few seconds later and the rescue would have been too late.

JJ turns around before Emily can see her crying. She quickly strips out of her wet clothes and heads into the bedroom to put on a pair of sweats and a tee shirt. She had told Hotch she would try to make it in later that day.

“Fuck that,” JJ mutters. “My wife is more important than the job. And if Straus wants to fire my ass I’ll get a job in one of the damn businesses we own. Not like I don’t have options.”

“Jen? You okay?” Emily asks from behind her.

JJ turns and smiles at her wife. “I’m fine. Just reminding myself to call Hotch and tell him everything is okay but that you’re on bed rest. I’ll do it after I fetch Grumpy Pants.”

Emily smiles. “Watch what you call him. He’s my buddy.”

JJ smiles and heads out of the bedroom. Emily climbs into bed. It has never felt more comfortable to her. She takes JJ’s pillow and just breathes in the scent of her wife. It is heaven to her.

“Who’s that, Henry?”

“MAMA! MAMA! MAMA!”

JJ laughs. “That’s right, Little Man. That’s Mama.”

Emily smiles at the little boy. Tears spring up in her eyes…again. He reaches for her and she puts her arms out to take him. He snuggles into her as she lies back on the pillows. JJ smiles at them. Henry reaches up and pulls at Emily’s lip. Emily kisses his forehead.

“Tired of the CD, eh? I think I can help you, Champ.”

She starts to sing the lullaby. Henry snuggles in closer, one hand patting her stomach as he sucks on the other one. Soon he is asleep, a smile on his face. Emily kisses him again, breathing deeply as she does.

“I love you, Henry. I swear I will always do what I can to protect you. I love you so very much.”

JJ uses her pillows to create a barrier so Henry can’t roll off her side of the bed. She smiles at her wife.

“Not sure he’s moving from your side but just in case.” She leans over and gives Emily a kiss. “I’ll move the baby monitor in here. If you or he needs anything, just let me know. Okay?”

Emily nods, her exhaustion catching up with her. By the time JJ gets back with the main part of the baby monitor the two people she loves above all others are fast asleep. She gives them both kisses.

“I love you both so much.” She smiles. “Actually, I love all 3 of you so much.”

Tucking them in, she leaves the room to call Hotch and tell him she’s playing hooky the rest of the day.


	3. Chapter 3

Emily sleeps most of Wednesday, only waking briefly to eat lunch and dinner in bed, and to read a few stories to Henry, who doesn’t want to get very far from his Mama. Thursday, JJ reluctantly gets ready to return to work. She sits on the edge of the bed.

“Maybe I could—”

“Jen, go. You need to get your report filed before they think you’re hiding something.”

JJ frowns. “What the hell could I be hiding?”

Emily raises an eyebrow and winces, quickly lowering it. “Damn, that hurts,” she mutters. She takes a deep breath. “Jen, you killed Doyle. You emptied your clip into him. And trust me: the fucker deserved it. But you need to get your report filed, see the FBI shrink, and go through a debriefing. The longer you put it off the more it will seem you’re trying to hide something.”

JJ sighs. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. And Lord knows nothing went on in our department for two weeks. My desk is even worse than normal.”

“Bring some files home tonight. I’ll look through them tomorrow. Please?”

JJ smiles. “Okay. But don’t feel like you have to push yourself, okay?” She rubs Emily’s stomach. “Rocky, here, needs you to get healed up.”

Emily grins. “Rocky? You’ve named our baby Rocky?”

“Yep. Rocky took a few hard knocks and persevered. So did our little one. So, Rocky.”

Emily shakes her head. “I know we said we’d wait to find out the sex but maybe we need to go ahead and find out. My daughter will not be called Rocky.”

JJ laughs and shrugs. “We’ll see.” She leans in and kisses Emily, pulling her into a firm embrace. “I love you, Emily. Feel better soon, baby.”

Emily sighs, her wife’s arms feeling so perfect. “I will. You and Henry heal me, Jen. You heal me in ways I can’t even explain. I love you so much.”

They share another kiss and JJ regretfully heads for Quantico. With the baby monitor receiver with Sandy and Alan, Emily gets up and heads for the shower. She had slept most of Wednesday and has decided that today “bed rest” could include a trip downstairs. She wants to see her parents and in-laws, as well as Francesca and Henry.

But first…a shower. She still didn’t feel clean. As she starts to undress she once again turns away from the mirror. When would she have the guts to face what Ian has done to her body?

* * *

 

JJ walks into her office exactly on time. As she sets her briefcase down she reaches for her computer…that’s when she notices the lack of clutter.

“What the hell…” she murmurs.

She looks around and sees her inbox is nearly empty, her stacks of cases waiting for distribution is significantly smaller, and her stack of cases to be turned down is missing completely.

“What the hell?”

She walks out into the bullpen to find Reid and Morgan hard at work, stacks of folders on their desks. A glance into Rossi’s office shows the same situation. She walks up to Hotch’s office, looking in his window. Even the unit chief has a mass of cases on his desk. She walks into his office.

“Hotch? What’s going on?”

He sits back in his chair, surprised. “What are you doing here? I figured you would take the rest of the week.”

JJ smiles. “If I had my way I would. But Emily thought it would be best if I came in and dealt with all the Doyle shit. You know reports, shrink, debrief.”

Hotch nods. “Probably. And maybe you can help us decide what to do with our detainee.”

JJ frowns. “Detainee?”

Hotch grins. “Come on.”

He heads out with her towards the conference room. Morgan, Reid and Rossi join them. As they walk in she hears Clyde Easter start to complain.

“It’s about bloody time! When the hell am I going to be allowed to go?”

“Your story regarding where you received the amount of cash you were traveling with is still being verified,” Hotch tells him. “Until we know for sure you weren’t the one who sold Doyle the list of operatives you’ll remain in our custody per the Patriot Act.”

“This is fucking insane! You’re doing this for revenge because of what happened to Prentiss!” He turns from Hotch to JJ. “What’s the matter, love? She rekindle an old flame and shag the guy?”

The team already hated him; hated everything about him. JJ had already wanted to hit him from the first moment she saw him. And now…now she feels she actually has justification. Before he can react she slams her knee up between his legs. Her teammates wince as he doubles over. As he does, she slams her palm into his face, shattering his nose. He hits the ground hard, rolling in pain. She kneels down and stares into his face.

“If you ever contact her again, ever even  _think_  about her again, the pain you’re in now will be nothing compared to what you will be in when I get finished with you. Leave my wife alone you limey bastard. Got it?”

He moans, unable to speak. But he is smart enough to nod.

“Good,” JJ says. She stands and looks at Hotch. “Keep the money. Let this asshole contact the consulate. I think we know someone who can make sure he loses his credentials.”

Hotch smiles. “Yes, I think we do. Give the Ambassador my regards.”

JJ nods and heads to her office to make a phone call.

* * *

 

“Good morning, honey,” Gerald Prentiss says as he finds his daughter in the kitchen.

Emily smiles. “Morning, Father.” He leans over and kisses her cheek.

“Did you sleep well?”

Emily sighs. “I guess so. I had one nightmare that I know of but Jen talked me through it. I think I’m too tired to dream too much which may be a good thing.”

He pats her hand. “It probably is. Your body will know when it’s time to deal with what’s going on in your mind.”

He heads over to the coffee pot and flips it on. Emily groans. She looks down at her caffeine-free tea. “I miss coffee,” she laments.

Gerald chuckles. “Regretting getting pregnant?”

Emily smiles at him. “Not a damn bit. Just…miss coffee. Caffeine-free isn’t quiet the same but I may have to switch to it for the duration. Caffeine-free tea is  _really_   not the same. Is Mother still asleep?”

Gerald nods. “Yes. She didn’t sleep very much after she got the call that you were missing. In fact, the time she spent unconscious was probably longer.”

“Unconscious?” Emily says, alarmed.

Gerald blushes. “Oh, uh, you didn’t know. When Jennifer called to let her know what happened, your mother passed out. She hit her head on the side of the desk on her way down.” He sees Emily getting upset. “But she’s okay, Emily. I promise you.” He smiles. “You know how hard her head is the desk probably got the worst of it.”

Emily manages a smile. “Yeah. Maybe.” She takes a deep breath. “I’m so sorry I scared you all. Dad…did you…I mean…it’s the kind of thing that could…well, make you want to drink.”

He sits down beside her and takes her hand. “I’ll admit my first thought was that I needed a shot of whiskey to steel myself for what was going on. I figured I deserved that bit of comfort. Then I reminded myself that if I took that drink, I’d justify taking another, and another, and another. And then even when we found you I’d have still lost you because I’d be a full on drunk again. I don’t want to lose you, Emily. Not in any way.”

He pulls her into a hug. Emily holds him tightly. “I’m so proud of you, Dad. And I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, Emily. And I am more proud of you than I could ever express in words.” He kisses her temple. “You are an amazing woman. Thank you for not falling into the vapid circles we tried to push you into.”

Emily chuckles. “No need to thank me for that.”

“MAMA!”

Emily sits back as Sandy walks in with Henry. Gerald stands and smiles at his grandson.

“Morning, Henry. How’s my boy?”

“NO! MAMA!” Henry insists.

Sandy chuckles. “Well, I see where we all rank now that Emily’s back.”

Emily reaches out her arms and Henry throws himself towards her. “Morning, Champ. Did you sleep well?” He buries his face in her neck. She smiles and kisses his head. “I missed you so much, Henry,” she says as her voice breaks a little.

Sandy kisses Emily on the cheek. “He missed you, too. We all did.”

The bruises on her face and wrists were obvious, as was the nasty cut. But Emily had managed to keep everyone except JJ and Garcia from finding out about the brand. Then Henry shifts, his elbow digging painfully into the bad wound.

“OH…oh, God…please…Dad…get him…please…”

Emily pales. Gerald takes Henry as Sandy wraps her arms around Emily. The brunette is shaking.

“Emily, what’s wrong?”

“Injury…his elbow…hit it…” she gasps out.

“What do you need, honey?”

“Ice bag…please…hurry…”

Sandy races to the refrigerator, grabbing a Ziploc back on the way. She fills the bag with ice and a little water and brings into back to Emily. Taking the bag, the agent turns away from her father and mother-in-law as she slips it into her shirt, hissing in relief as the cool hits the nasty reminder of Ian Doyle.

Sandy looks at Gerald. “Do you know about an injury there?”

Gerald shakes his head. “No.”

“Mama?” Henry asks, confused about why he was handed away.

Emily slowly turns and forces a smile to her face. “I’m good, Champ,” she says breathlessly. “Just a boo boo.”

“Emily…” Sandy says.

Emily looks at her and shakes her head. “Sorry. I can’t.” She looks away but not before the two adults in the room see the shame in her eyes. “Excuse me.”

She quickly leaves the kitchen, heading for the privacy of her bedroom. Sandy picks up the house phone and hits the memory for JJ’s cell phone.

“Emily?” JJ answers.

“It’s your mother. What’s wrong with her chest?” she demands to know.

“Uh, Mom? What?”

“Emily was holding Henry. He moved and his elbow dug into her chest. She nearly collapsed from the pain. What’s wrong, Jenny?”

JJ sighs and sits back in her desk chair. “Mom, please know I love you. But don’t push her on this. When she is ready to tell she will.”

“Did he stab her?”

“No! Mom, please, just…just let it go for now. Please? For Emily. She doesn’t need any more stress. I’ll talk to her tonight to see if she will tell you all what’s going on. She just went through 2 weeks in hell and needs time to heal mentally as well as physically. Just give her the support she needs but  _don’t_  push her,” JJ insists.

Sandy sighs. “Okay. We’ll let her tell us as she wants to. But, Jenny, remind her we’re here for her. We’re not going to judge her; we’re just going to love her.”

JJ smiles. “I’ll tell her, Mom. I promise. I’ll talk to you later. I love you.”

“Love you, too, Jenny.” Sandy hangs up and looks at Gerald. “She made me promise not to push Emily for answers. She has an injury there and all I know for sure is it’s not a stab wound.”

“I see. Well, since I made no such promise I’m going to go check on my daughter.” He smiles at Henry. “You with me or with Grandma, Champ?”

He reaches for Sandy, recognizing that going with Grandpa means not getting breakfast. Gerald heads upstairs and makes his way to Emily and JJ’s room.

“Emily?”

He glances in and sees her clutching JJ’s pillow to her, sobs wracking her body. Suddenly the physical wound doesn’t matter. The mental wound is the one this father needs to heal. He sits down behind her.

“Honey?”

She turns into his arms. He strokes her hair, murmuring words of comfort to her until she cries herself back to sleep. He kisses her forehead.

“I love you, Emily.”

He lays her down and tucks her in. For a moment he considers looking at the wound she had hidden but then decides to respect her privacy about it. With one last kiss to her head he heads out to see about getting breakfast ready for everyone else.


	4. Chapter 4

JJ sits across the table from Straus and 2 members of Internal Affairs. The rest of the team had sat through a debriefing the day before. Now JJ had to face the questions. She is not worried. In her opinion, she did her job amazingly well considering it was her wife in danger.

“Agent Jareau, why didn’t you step away from this investigation?” Agent John Hammond asks.

“If it was your wife and you could help contribute to her safe return would you have?”

Hammond lays his pen down. “I’m not the one under review. Answer the question please.”

She sighs and sits back in her seat. “Agent Prentiss had made me aware of certain information regarding her time as part of the task force that took down Valhalla. In addition to sharing that information with the team, I could help them pour over case files and other information as it became available. I am a trained FBI agent and I—”

“You’re just a media liaison,” he says snidely.

JJ sits forward, her eyes shooting daggers at the man. “I repeat, I am a  _trained_ FBI agent. I went through the same academy classes as  _you_  did. I then went through additional training to become a media liaison and I am currently taking the courses necessary to become certified as a profiler. And I am damn sure I know more about getting into the mind of a sociopath like Doyle than you do even without certification.”

“Still, you should have taken yourself out of the investigation.”

“Why?”

He looks surprised. “Uh, what?”

“Why should I have taken myself out of the investigation? Did you tell Agent Hotchner to remove himself from the Foyet investigation? Did you tell Agent Horowitz to take himself out of the investigation of the bank robbery his wife was caught up in? Did you—”

“Enough, Agent Jareau! Of course those men were not told to step out of those investigations but this is different!” he says angrily.

Straus slowly turns to glare at the man. JJ sits back smugly. The other IAB agent, Rebecca Brouse, turns to glare at her partner. He suddenly realizes what he has said. Straus looks down at the folder in front of her.

“I think we know everything we need to know. Agent Jareau’s actions were both professional and very effective. It was her epiphany that led the team down the right path to where Agent Prentiss was held.”

The male agent doesn’t know when to quit. “But she emptied her damn clip into the man!” He tosses an autopsy picture on the table. It shows the half-dollar sized circle of ten shots into Doyle’s chest. “What the hell does this look like to you?”

Brouse raises an eyebrow. “A damn good grouping. Better than one you’ve ever punched in paper, Hammond.”

“It was overkill!” he insists.

JJ sits forward. “He was sitting on her stomach as she was tied spread eagle on the bed, completely helpless. He was choking her. I ordered him off, he grabbed for his gun. Two SRU officers and Agent Morgan were on the ground after having smashed the door open; Agent Prentiss was  _still_   helpless. Damn right I emptied the clip into him. Four people were sitting ducks for that bastard. I made sure he never got a shot off, not even a reflex shot at the instant of death. Tell me you wouldn’t have taken the same shots in the same situation.”

“I still say you only took those shots because your so-called wife was underneath him,” he states.

JJ’s eyes narrow. “Had it been any member of my team or any agent in the Bureau under him I’d have taken the same damn shots.” She looks pointedly at him. “Well, maybe not  _any_   agent.”

Brouse pretends to cough to hide her chuckle.

“And if you ever refer to Agent Prentiss as my ‘so-called’ wife again, I’ll kick your ass from here to Alaska. We have a valid marriage license from Massachusetts. A marriage recognized by Director Ryder. You do know him, right?” she asks as snidely as he’s asked her a few questions.

Brouse and Straus are both smiling openly. Hammond looks around the table and realizes he has no friends in the room. He gathers his files together. “Fine. The shooting will go down as justified.”

He hurries out of the room. The three women stand. Brouse extends her hand to JJ. “Nice job, Agent Jareau. Everything I’ve seen says you were professional in the face of something that would have driven some to react purely emotionally. I’ll make sure your record reflects that and not Hammonds bullshit.”

JJ nods as she shakes the woman’s hand. “Thank you.” As Brouse leaves, JJ looks at Straus. “Ma’am, thank you for having my back in here. And during the investigation. I really appreciate it.”

Straus nods. “There was no way another team was going to get that case. And there was no way assholes like Hammond were going to get me to sideline you just because you’re a woman. That crap won’t fly by me. That said, I’ve have benched you myself if I didn’t know you could handle the pressure. Well done all around, Agent Jareau.”

JJ smiles. “Thank you, ma’am.”

“How is Agent Prentiss doing?”

“She’s going to be okay. She’s hurting, physically and mentally right now, but she’s recovering. The doctor put her on bed rest for a week because her blood pressure is elevated.”

Straus smiles, a weird thing for JJ to witness, “Something tells me that didn’t go over very well.”

JJ chuckles. “To put it mildly. I’m taking her a few cases to review. She…she needs work to help prove to herself that she’s going to be okay. Does that make sense?”

“Yes, it does,” Straus agrees. “For someone like Emily I can imagine it’s her way of taking back control. I understand completely. Give her my regards, Agent Jareau. And again, well done.”

Straus leaves the room. As JJ heads back to her office a thought flashes through her mind. “ _Maybe Emily is right and Straus_ **is** _a pod person_.”

* * *

 

JJ sits in the waiting room of the psychiatrists offices. Her appointment is in 10 minutes but she didn’t want to get stuck behind her desk so she came down early. As she flips through a magazine her mind suddenly flashes to the doctors appointment in which Emily found out the egg had taken.

“Son of a bitch…that bastard Seamus was in the waiting room,” she mutters. “We missed it. We completely fucking missed that he was there watching us. Son of a fucking bitch.”

“Agent Jareau? The doctor is ready for you,” Shelly tells her.

JJ looks at her a moment then nods. “Right. Sure. Okay.”

Shelly frowns. “You okay?”

JJ nods. “Yeah. Just realized something. Thanks.”

She heads back to the shrinks office, knowing she’d say what she needed to say here to get cleared. Only Lara Westfallen will really hear what JJ needs to talk about.

An hour later she walks into Hotch’s office and hands him her clearance. “All sane, Hotch.”

Hotch chuckles. “No one on this team is sane, JJ. Why would you be any different?”

JJ grins. “Okay. Then sane enough I’m not a danger to society despite what that bastard Hammond thinks.”

Hotch raises an eyebrow. “John Hammond? IAB?”

JJ nods. “Yep. In a room with 3 women he basically accused me of being a fragile, vulnerable woman incapable of handling the stress of the case and using overkill because I was scared.”

Hotch winces. “Oooo…how long will he be in the hospital?”

JJ laughs. “You have my gun, remember?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t have the guns of the other two women.” JJ nods as he gets her gun out of his drawer and hands it back to her. “JJ, hell of a job on the case from start to finish. I apologize for…well, the situation with Henry. I should have talked to you about it before I tried to hide him away from you.”

JJ sighs. “Yeah, you should have. But I appreciate what you did in making sure he was safe. It means a lot to me that you did so much to protect him.”

Hotch nods as JJ heads back to her office. She sees Ned heading out and calls out to him. He waits, wondering what he’s done wrong this time. JJ lays a hand on his arm.

“Ned, I want to apologize to you for snapping at you a couple weeks ago. I was scared and stressed and, unfortunately, you took the brunt of that. Bringing me that package instead of just leaving it in my office was the right thing to do. Thank you.”

Ned smiles. “I’m just glad I could help a little. I’m really glad Agent Prentiss is okay.”

“Thanks. Me, too.”

Ned smiles and heads on to finish his rounds, perhaps a little less scared of JJ than he had been. Maybe. A little. Sort of. Well, just a tiny bit. Okay, so he was still terrified of her.


	5. Chapter 5

Emily strokes a hand through Henry’s hair. Once again at nap time he had insisted on spending it with his Mama. She had read him one story, sung one lullaby and he was asleep. She had planned to sleep to but instead finds herself just watching him.

“Do you know what’s going on inside me right now? Do you know your little brother or sister is growing right now, waiting to come out and make you a big brother? Do you know that it won’t make me love you any less when they get here?” She leans over and kisses his forehead. He waves his fingers at her in his sleep. She smiles. “You are such a gift to me, Henry. I think you were the final battering ram that took down the walls I’d spent a life time building. Your mother did a lot of damage to them but you were the final hit. You got me square in the heart, Champ. Thank you for loving me from day one. And for not turning away from me when I ran from you or just disappeared on you.”

She turns her head when she hears a rustling behind her. She smiles at her mother. “Hi, Mom.”

Elizabeth sits down on the edge of the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Okay. How about you? I heard you bumped your head.”

“I did. Might have ruined my desk,” she says with a grin.

Emily chuckles. “Yeah, that’s what Dad said.”

Elizabeth strokes a hand through her daughter’s hair. “Jennifer called me earlier. She asked me to make a few calls regarding Clyde Easter.” Emily starts to raise an eyebrow but winces. “Don’t look at me that way, young lady. No raising that eyebrow until your face is healed.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Emily says with a smile.

“Your associate Clyde is no longer with Interpol. Turns out he had hidden Doyle’s escape from a lot of people while he tried to cover his as—uh, backside,” she corrects with a glance at Henry. “Once all is said and done he won’t be able to get a job as a security guard. He caused a lot of death with a deal he was told not to make.”

Emily sighs. “I won’t say I’m sorry. His arrogance nearly got me killed more than once. And he did cause the deaths of people I admired and liked. I just wish I’d had the chance to punch the bas—uh, jerk out,” she says with a glance at her sleeping son.

Elizabeth chuckles. “Jennifer took care of that for you.”

Emily grins. “Really?”

“Yep. Kneed him in the crown jewels then smashed his nose as he doubled over. He was still screaming about pressing charges when Derek offered to break a few more bones. He shut up after that.”

Emily smiles. “Is it any wonder I love them all so much?”

Elizabeth sighs. “It’s a wonder you can love them at all with the handicaps your father and I gave you. I am so proud of the woman you’ve become, Emily. So very proud.”

She pulls her into a hug. After a few minutes, Elizabeth stands. “Rest now with your son, honey. If you need anything give us a call on the monitor.”

“Okay. Um, Mom? When are you and Dad leaving? I…I kinda like having you around.”

Elizabeth smiles proudly. “We’re here until Sunday. And we kinda like being around, Emmy.”

Emily smiles as her mother leaves. She looks down at Henry. “Still say you and your mother are miracle workers, Champ. You took three strangers and made them a family. Best damn trick I’ve ever seen.”

* * *

 

When JJ gets home that night her nostrils are assaulted by an incredible smell coming from the kitchen. She walks in to find Emily and Gerald working side by side at the island. She smiles.

“What in the world is for dinner and why haven’t we had it before?”

Emily smiles. “This is Dad’s creation. I’m just a sous chef for him.”

JJ walks over and wraps her arms around her wife’s waist. “Well, be careful with the knives. Don’t want you getting hurt or something.”

Emily grins and kisses JJ’s cheek. “I will be. I’m a real wimp when it comes to pain.”

JJ laughs. “Yeah, right, Agent Gimpy.”

“Hey! No fair! No leg injury this time.”

JJ kisses her wife. “ _This_   time. The name holds until we find a better one for you.”

Emily kisses JJ’s nose. “You’re pushing your luck, Agent Jareau. Don’t think I won’t remember this. No concussion this time.”

JJ stares into her wife’s eyes, studying what she sees in them. “I love you, Emily,” she says quietly but emotionally.

Emily turns, sensing the sudden shift in JJ’s emotions. She pulls JJ close. “I’m okay, Jen. A bit sore, a bit shaky emotionally, but okay. As long as I’m here with you and our family I will be just fine. I love you, Jennifer Prentiss.”

The two share a deep kiss, completely forgetting they aren’t alone. Gerald gives them space, knowing they need the comfort they can only get from the other. When it ends, Emily strokes a hand down JJ’s cheek.

“Go get changed, baby. I need to help Chef Gerald finish dinner. Alan is in the game room reading and the mothers are upstairs with Henry. Francesca is visiting her granddaughter tonight.”

JJ nods. “Okay. By the way, Morgan and Reid will be here soon. They’re bringing your Lexus to you.” She looks at Gerald. “It smells wonderful. I can’t wait to try whatever it is.”

He smiles. “Thank you.” He kisses her cheek. “Welcome home, Jennifer.”

JJ heads to the game room to say hello to her father. “Hi, Dad.”

“Hey, Sports Star. How was work?”

“Strangely satisfying if a little frustrating at times. But I got through all the crap about Emily’s case so hopefully things can start getting back to normal.” She grimaces. “Well, whatever qualifies as normal for our team.”

He chuckles. “Yes, your team does handle some…interesting cases. But I guess someone has to do it.”

“I guess.” She glances towards the kitchen then back to her father. “Was she okay today?” she whispers.

He nods. “Yes. She napped a lot, spent a lot of time with Henry, talked to her mother and yours, and now she’s helping with dinner. She’s going to be okay, Jenny.” He sighs. “What’s wrong with her chest? Henry popped it a couple of times. Not as bad as what happened this morning but it hurt her every time.”

JJ looks away from her father but not before he sees the anger in her eyes. She takes a deep breath. “She…she can’t talk about it yet. Just know it’s okay, just sore. She’ll be fine, Dad. Just give her a little time.”

“Okay.” He takes her hand. “Do  _you_   need to talk about it?”

JJ lets out the breath she’d been holding. “Not yet. Eventually. But not yet. Thanks, Dad.” She stands to leave but he holds her hand.

“I love you, Jenny.”

She smiles at him. “Love you, too, Dad.”

She heads upstairs. She had planned to check on Henry and his grandmothers but needs a moment to herself first. She heads into the bedroom, pulling her suit off as she goes. She heads straight into the bathroom and leans on the counter, staring at herself in the mirror. She had shot Doyle 10 times. The first three were to stop him. The rest were for her. She knows she should feel guilt for that but she doesn’t.

“At some point it’s going to hit you, Jennifer Prentiss. You better make sure you’re ready when it does.” She picks up her cell phone and leaves a message for Lara Westfallen, hoping to get squeezed in on Friday afternoon or evening. Time to start healing herself so she can continue to help healing Emily. Emily’s appointment was for the morning. Hopefully by Friday night they will both be feeling better about things.

And maybe then Emily will finally be able to look in the mirror. JJ had suspected Emily was avoiding it. The love note she stuck on the mirror that morning for Emily is still there. She pulls it off.

“Oh, Emily. Let us help you, baby. We all love you so much.”

With a sigh, she leaves the bathroom to get changed and head downstairs for dinner.

* * *

 

“Have you lost your mind, Morgan? It’s a Lexus not a bumper car!” Emily blurts.

JJ frowns and hurries into the kitchen.

“Easy, Princess, I made sure that his license was valid. And it only took him a few minutes to find the ignition. I even made him a ‘left=brake, right=gas’ cheat sheet,” Morgan says with a big grin.

“Ha ha, Morgan,” Reid says. He hands Emily her keys. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

Emily stares at him a minute then smiles. “You know we’re just picking on you, right?” She gives him a hug. “I trust you with my car…as long as my wife and son aren’t in it with you.”

Reid chuckles. “You run over one fire hydrant and suddenly no one thinks you can drive.”

“Reid, it was bright red in the middle of a mud puddle. How could you not see it?” Morgan points out.

“I saw it. I just saw it too late,” he retorts, blushing.

JJ smiles, happy to see these two friends making her wife smile.

“Well, Reid, I guess you’ll just have to be proud to be the best nerd in the room. Anyone can drive. Not everyone can be a nerd,” Emily points out.

Reid smiles proudly at Emily. “Very true, fellow nerd.”

Emily grins and kisses his cheek. JJ just shakes her head and walks on into the kitchen.

“Looks like you got abandoned, Gerald. She’s easily distracted by her buddies. Need a hand?”

“Nope. Got it all done. Just waiting for the timer to ring.”

Emily wraps her arms around JJ. “Ha! Trying to get me in trouble, Agent Jareau?”

“Always, Agent Prentiss,” she says with a smile. She looks at Reid and Morgan. “You two staying for dinner?”

Morgan shakes his head. “We shouldn’t. You’ve got a full house and I doubt Gerald was planning for a couple of moochers.”

Gerald chuckles. “Actually, I’ve spent my life learning how to cook from chefs making meals for millions. You could have brought the whole team and there would be enough. Please, stay.”

“Well, it’s better than Hamburger Helper by the smell of it. I’m in,” Morgan says.

“And since he’s my ride I guess you’re stuck with me, too,” Reid says.

“Perfect. You two can earn your keep by setting the table,” JJ tells them. They nod and get to work.

Sandy and Elizabeth walk in at this time with Henry. He sees his Mommy and starts to wave.

“Hey, Little Man. How you doing today?” She takes him and gets a big hug and sloppy kiss from him. “You are such a good hugger, Henry. You always make me happy.”

Reid walks over and extends his hand. “How’s my Godson?” Henry reaches for him.

“Ouch…abandoned by my boy,” JJ jokes as Reid takes Henry and starts to explain quantum theory to him. “Reid, he’s 1. Give him at least until 2 before you start with the full nerd lessons.”

Emily grins. “Never too soon to start on the next Yale Bulldog!”

Reid raises an eyebrow. “Cal Tech. Right, Henry?”

Morgan laughs. “JJ, I hope he picks Harvard or MIT just to shut these two up.”

JJ laughs as Reid and Emily sneer at him. Soon they are all enjoying a meal filled with laughter and a lot of love. JJ can’t help but study her wife throughout the meal to make sure she is really doing okay. Thankfully, it seems the smiles on her face and in her eyes are real. Perhaps not as vibrant as normal but they are there. Emily was healing.

* * *

 

That night as they get ready for bed, JJ watches as Emily again avoids the mirror. She follows her wife into the bathroom and wraps her arms around her waist.

“Emily…don’t be afraid to look.”

Emily stiffens. “I…I…just…”

JJ slowly turns them until they face the mirror over the sinks. Emily stares at her face and neck, wincing at the horrible bruises. From behind, JJ raises her hands and slowly starts to unbutton the blouse Emily wears. Emily is shaking. When the buttons are undone, JJ just lets the shirt hang, not yet revealing that which Emily doesn’t want to see.

“It won’t make me love you any less, Emily. I swear,” JJ vows.

Her head rests on Emily’s shoulder. Her hands are clasped together in front of Emily’s stomach. Their eyes are locked together via the mirror. Emily raises a shaking hand to her left collar. She starts to move the blouse but stops. She shakes her head, dropping her hand.

“I can’t, Jen. I just can’t.”

She turns and buries her face in JJ’s shoulder. JJ just pats her back as Emily cries. “It’s okay, Emily. Whenever you’re ready I’ll be here for you. It’s okay.”

They finish getting ready and climb into bed. Emily curls into her wife. JJ holds her protectively, knowing the night brings back the fear. Just a couple of hours earlier things had seemed so much better. But now Emily is scared again; terrified it’s all been a dream and she’s still awaiting rescue.

“I’ve got you, Emily. And I’m not letting go, okay? I’ve got you, sweetheart. Always.”

“I…I know. Thank you,” Emily says weakly.

Long after Emily drops off to sleep, JJ holds her, staring at her by the light of the moon. Physically her wife is back. Mentally part of her is still missing.

“Please, God,” JJ prays, “please let her find her way back to us soon. We love her so much. I love her so much. Please help heal her heart.”

She kisses her wife on the head and follows her into sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

_Ian walks into the room. He smiles at Emily._

_“No need for you to get up, love,” he jokes._

_Emily, tied to a chair, just glares at him. “Go to hell. I won’t give you what you want.”_

_Ian smiles. “I know, love. That’s why I had to make other arrangements. Besides, I want to make sure I have another fair haired child. You could give me some brunette bastard.”_

_Emily’s eyes narrow. “What the hell are you talking about?”_

_Ian smiles wolfishly as Liam drags in a bound and gagged JJ._

_“NO! LET HER GO! IAN, PLEASE! LET HER GO!”_

_“Not a chance, love. Time to make a baby.”_

_Emily screams as Liam drags JJ to the bed. Ian rips off her pants and climbs on top of her._

* * *

 

“NOOOO!” Emily screams sitting up in bed.

JJ grabs for her. “EMILY!”

Emily leaps away from her wife and scrambles off the bed, backing away until she hits the wall. JJ turns the lamp on and goes to her.

“Em, it was a nightmare. Look around, honey, you’re in our house, in our bedroom, safe. I swear.”

The door to the room is flung open. Emily cowers to the ground, her hands over her head. Gerald and Elizabeth stand there staring at her. JJ kneels down, ignoring them, totally focused on her wife.

“Emily, listen to me, honey. Listen to my voice. It’s okay. It was just a nightmare. You’re safe now. I promise.”

Emily slowly lowers her hands. She has finally come fully awake. “J—Jen?”

JJ eases closer. “Yes, baby. It’s me.”

Emily grabs her and pulls her into a strong hug. “He…he had you. He was going to ra—ra--, oh, God, Jen.” Emily shakes at the thought.

JJ closes her eyes but the tears still leak out. “It was a nightmare, baby. He never touched me. And he never will. We’re all safe, honey. He will never, ever threaten you or me or Henry or anyone ever again.”

Elizabeth and Gerald exchange a look. As much as they want to bundle their daughter up and make all the horrible memories go away they know they can’t. The only thing they can do is pray that the love and strength of Jennifer Jareau Prentiss will bring Emily back to them, stronger than ever. They quietly ease the door shut, finding Sandy and Alan in the hallway.

“Nightmare?” Sandy asks.

Elizabeth nods. “Yes. But Jennifer has her. She’ll take care of her. She knows where we are if she needs help but something tells me that young woman is all Emily needs to survive this.”

Sandy smiles. “I hope so. They are so good for each other.”

Gerald nods. “Yes, they are. You raised a wonderful lady.”

“Thank you,” Alan says.

Somewhat reluctantly, the four of them return to their beds.

In the master bedroom, JJ finally gets Emily back up into the bed but neither woman is going to get any sleep the rest of the night.

* * *

 

The next morning as JJ finishes getting ready for work, Emily steps into the bathroom. She pulls her wife close to her.

“Thank you,” is all she says.

JJ holds her close. “You don’t need to thank me for loving you, Emily.”

Emily forces a smile to her face. “I think that was beyond the requirements of love. I’m sorry you didn’t get much sleep last night.”

JJ strokes Emily’s cheek. “It’s okay. I’m not the one that has to avoid coffee.”

Emily grins, this time it reaches her eyes. “You can be close to evil sometimes, Mrs. Prentiss.”

“I learned from the best, Mrs. Prentiss,” she answers with a wink. “What time are you meeting with Dr. Westfallen?”

“At 9. Did you ever get a chance to call her?”

“Yep. Left a message with her service asking for an appointment today. I’ll let you know what time she can work me in.”

“Okay.”

Emily gives her wife a kiss then turns her back on the mirror to undress. JJ sighs. “Em…make sure you tell her about…about this.”

Emily slowly nods. “I will, Jen. Promise.”

“I love you, sweetheart.”

Emily turns to kiss her wife goodbye. “I love you, too. Have a good day at work.”

“Thanks. There are 10 case files in the private office for you.”

Emily grins. “Thanks. I know it sounds crazy but I need them right now.”

JJ nods. “I understand, honey. I really do.”

The exchange another kiss goodbye and JJ heads out for work. Thirty minutes later Emily is getting some toast and juice for breakfast when her mother walks in with Henry.

“MAMA!” he cries happily.

Emily smiles. “Hey, Champ. How you doing this morning?”

He reaches for her and she takes him as her mother goes to get him a bottle.

“Good morning, Mom.”

“Good morning, Emmy. Did you ever get back to sleep last night?”

Emily swallows. “You…you know about the nightmare?”

Elizabeth looks at her daughter with surprise. “Honey, your scream woke everyone. We raced to your room and found JJ talking you down.”

Emily looks away. “Oh, God…I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I—”

“Stop it!” Elizabeth interrupts. “In case you haven’t figured it out we’re more concerned with you getting better than with getting woken up at night. We love you, Emily. Everyone in this house from that little boy,” she points at Henry, “to those wonderful in-laws you have. We are here for you in whatever way you need us to be.”

Emily rubs her forehead against Henry’s. “Thank you,” she says quietly, very choked up. Henry just smiles and kisses her cheek, pulling her into a hug. She smiles. “Looks like he’s proving your point.”

Elizabeth leans over and kisses the top of Emily’s head. “Of course he is. So, uh…about the hair color…”

Emily blushes. “I…I forgot about it, actually. I’ll call for an appointment.”

“How can you forget? Every time you look in the mirror it should—” She sees the flush on Emily’s cheeks. “Oh, sweetie…you haven’t looked in the mirror have you?”

“No. I just need a little more time before I face…me. Does that make sense?”

“Yes, sweetheart, it does.”

At 8:00 Emily is preparing to leave. Everyone had made the offer to go but she needs to do this alone. She is grabbing her keys when she gets a text alert. She expects it to be JJ letting her know when her appointment is. Instead it’s an unknown number. Her heart skips a beat as she reads the one word message:

_Reflecting._


	7. Chapter 7

Emily stares at her phone. She had been planning to initiate the contact eventually but now her hand has been forced. She thinks carefully then sets her phone down on the table by the door.

She goes upstairs and goes into the office in the bedroom. Removing the safe from its secret compartment she pulls out a small envelope with several credit cards and ID’s in it. She takes a Visa and a license for Lauren Reynolds out of them. It nearly makes her ill to consider using them but she is glad they had been made with a 10 year expiration date on them. She tucks them in her pocket. She also goes into the gun safe and takes out her clutch piece, clipping it onto her belt instead of her leg. She heads downstairs.

“I’m out of here,” she announces to everyone in the kitchen. “I may need a little time alone after the appointment. I’ll be home eventually. Please don’t worry about me.”

Gerald smiles “If you can tell us how to do that we’ll do it.”

Emily smiles. “Sorry. I guess just…well…I love you all. See you later.”

She heads out to her Lexus and takes a deep breath. She hadn’t bothered to pick up her phone but her Lexus can still be traced. As she drives out of her subdivision she heads for a convenience store that sells disposable phones. She buys one with cash and punches in the unknown number from earlier. She texts just 5 characters: 930 am.

She then heads for the Enterprise Rental Car office by Potomac Mills Mall. Once there she uses the Lauren Reynolds alias to rent a car for the morning. As she leaves she calls Dr. Westfallen’s office. When the service answers she explains something has come up and she’ll have to reschedule.

With that done, she pulls into an empty parking lot and takes one more precaution. Popping the hood of the car she disables its GPS tracking system. Sure she cannot be tracked now, Emily heads for DC. Parking near the Springfield, VA Metro she uses cash to purchase a trip card instead of using her SmartTrip card. Just one more layer of protection.

She exits the Metro at the Smithsonian/Mall stop and makes her way towards the Lincoln Memorial. Halfway down the Reflecting Pool she stops and sits down on a bench, staring across the installation. She checks her watch: 9:24.

At exactly 9:30 she sees a man sit down on the bench directly across from her. They stare at each other. It had been years since they had laid eyes on one another. At one time, each had imagined it would only be a funeral that would reunite them. To be alive and seeing each other was almost more than they can believe. Emily feels the phone in her pocket vibrate.

“Hello?” she answers.

“You look good, Emily.”

She smiles. “You’re too far away to see how beaten my face is. I look like shit.”

He chuckles. “You’re alive and Doyle is dead. That’s what matters. I guess we have a few things to talk about.”

“I guess so.”

“I saw the Korean Memorial was pretty sparse this cold February day. Meet you there.”

“Right.”

They disconnect. Emily stands and starts to walk to the Korean Memorial. Along the way she tosses the disposable phone in the trash. Regardless of the outcome of this discussion, she wouldn’t be needing it again.

* * *

 

At 9:25 JJ’s desk phone rings. She recognizes Dr Westfallen’s number and is worried why the shrink would be calling in the middle of Emily’s session.

“Dr. Westfallen? Is Emily okay?”

“Uh, um, I don’t know. She cancelled.”

“What? When? Why?” JJ demands.

“I don’t know. There was just a message this morning that she needed to cancel and asked if there was a time she could reschedule. I assumed you knew. I was calling to see if you could get here at 4.”

“I…I don’t know.” JJ bites her lip a moment. “Yes, put me down for 4. I’ll call you if anything changes. Thanks, Dr. Westfallen.”

“No problem. And if you talk to Emily, tell her to call and we’ll work something out.”

“Okay.” As soon as they hang up, JJ calls Emily’s phone.

After two rings a confused Sandy Jareau answers. “Hello? Jenny?”

“Mom! Are you with Emily?”

“No, dear, she’s at the doctor’s. But I guess she forgot her phone. It is here in the foyer where she puts her keys.”

“Ah. I see. Um, okay. Thanks.”

After she hangs up, JJ thinks a minute. It could be nothing. It could just be Emily’s not ready to face the demons the doc brings out. But women’s intuition tells her something else is wrong. She heads to Garcia’s office.

“Pen, I need you to track Emily’s car.”

Garcia stares at JJ. “Why?”

“Just do it!” JJ says impatiently.

Garcia nods. “Right. Sure. Okay.” She types a few commands. “It’s by Potomac Mills Mall.”

“Bring up a satellite image,” JJ orders.

Garcia taps away and brings up the location. JJ scans the mini-mall and sees the Enterprise office.

“Son of a bitch. Garcia, hack that office. Did she rent a car this morning?”

“What’s going on?”

“I don’t know yet. Please, just check.”

Garcia sighs, not sure what’s happening but trusting that JJ wouldn’t be risking sending the analyst to jail for no reason.

“Nope, Emily didn’t---oh my God…”

“What?”

Garcia gets very nervous. “Emily didn’t rent a car but Lauren Reynolds did.”

“WHAT?!” JJ starts to pace. “What the hell is she doing? Can you trace that car?”

“Yes it should have a GPS transponder that…uh…was disabled about 5 minutes after the car was rented.”

JJ starts to rub her temples. “Emily fucking Prentiss what the hell are you doing?” JJ thinks a moment. “Can you access the last call she got on her cell phone?”

Garcia types away. “No calls this morning but one baffling text. It just says ‘reflecting’ and it’s from a disposable phone.”

“Okay. And then she left her phone at home. Tell me, was any call made  _to_   that disposable phone?”

“Just a text that said 9:30 a.m. And then a brief call was made at 9:30 a.m. from the first phone to the second which is also disposable phone and before you ask that second phone was paid for in cash just like the first one.”

“I see. So she just got that call.” JJ paces a minute. “Where was it bought? The store would have security cameras, right?”

“Maybe.” Garcia types away then sighs sadly. “If they do it’s not a digital set up.”

“And I bet she knew that. She’s playing spy games. DAMN HER!” She kicks a chair.

“Is there a problem, JJ?” Hotch asks from the doorway.

“Emily’s in the wind and I don’t know why. Something has her running blind. She rented a car, bought a disposable phone, she even disabled the GPS on the car.”

“But not on the phone,” Garcia says excitedly. “JJ, it’s by the Reflecting Pool in DC!”

JJ nods. “So the texts were to meet there.” She turns to Hotch. “Where the hell is Easter?”

“He was escorted to Dulles and placed on a plane by Rossi and Morgan. If it’s him he circled back somehow.”

JJ turns to Garcia. “Find out if you can.”

Garcia nods. “Right.”

JJ turns to Hotch. “Mind if I grab Morgan and go hunting?”

“Take Reid and Rossi, too. It’s a big area to cover.”

“Thanks, Hotch.”

Thirty minutes later Morgan and JJ walk down one side of the Reflecting Pool while Rossi and Reid walk down the other. JJ stops at the trash can Garcia had pinpointed and pulls out Emily’s disposable phone.

“What are you going to do with that?” Morgan asks.

“I may make her eat it if she doesn’t have a damn good explanation for this,” she says furiously.

As they get to the end, they head towards the Vietnam Veterans Memorial as Reid and Rossi break off towards the Korean War Memorial. JJ is scanning the few faces she can see when Reid calls Morgan.

“She’s here with some guy.”

“Easter?”

“Nope. Don’t recognize him. We’re trying to stay out of sight but their conversation looks pretty intense.”

“Keep low. We’re on our way.” Morgan looks at JJ. “She’s talking to an unsub by the Korean. Reid and Rossi are staying out of sight. Let’s go.”

They hurry in that direction. JJ’s emotions fluctuate from furious to terrified. For Emily’s sake she best hope the terrified is at the forefront when they meet up.

* * *

 

Emily sees the man staring at the images etched eerily onto the Memorial. She slowly walks up to him.

“Hi, Tom.”

Tom Colter slowly turns and looks at his old college friend. He stares at the nasty bruising and horrible cut marring her beautiful face.

“Oh, Emily,” he says compassionately.

“You think I look bad you should see the other guy,” she jokes nervously.

Tom smiles cautiously. “Word has it he’s dead. And his network is completely destroyed.”

She nods. “All true. The last surviving hold out died at the hand of my best friend.”

“And the bastard himself?”

“Killed by my wife while he was trying to strangle me.”

“Son of a bitch.”

“Yeah.” They stand in silence a few minutes. “How is he?”

Tom smiles. “He’s good, Em. He’s really smart and he’s a great athlete. Loves lacrosse and football.”

Emily chuckles. “An all American boy.”

“Yeah,” he nods as he smiles.

“Does he…does he remember Ian?”

“Not really. More like he remembers there was someone before me but he doesn’t know who that is.” He starts to pace. “He remembers Lauren though.”

Emily looks up sharply. “What? How?”

Tom smiles. “He remembers you would play with him and sing to him. And he remembers you playing cops and robbers with him; taking pictures of it.”

Emily starts to pace. “Shit, Tom…he remembers me faking his death?”

“To him it was just a game. You did everything right, Emily. It’s how you had to play it. Louise told me if you hadn’t done things the way you did she’d have been killed. She knows that. And she knows something bad would have happened to Declan, too. Instead he’s gotten to live his life in peace. He’s a great kid, Em.”

Emily smiles. “That’s good. But why do I feel like you called me for more than just to tell me that.”

“Because you know me too well. Emily, Louise wants to go home. She had to leave everything she knew and she was okay with it because she knew if she was ‘dead’ her family was safe. Her mother died 2 year ago and she couldn’t even go to the funeral. With Doyle dead, she wants to go home. Can you help me get it arranged?”

Emily nods. “Of course. I’ll do whatever I can.”

“Good. And there’s something else.” He starts to pace. “Emily, about Declan…”

She reaches a hand out to him. “Tom, he’s your son. I’m not going to try to take him from you if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Tom shakes his head. “I’m not. I’m no fool, Emily. I know part of the reason you contacted me about Declan was because I had no family, no one to be held over me.”

Emily smiles. “I also knew you’d be a great father.”

Tom chuckles. “Thanks. And I think I have been, if I do say so myself. You know, a single, successful man with a child should have been one hell of a chick magnet but it just wasn’t meant to be for me, I guess.”

Emily laughs. “Maybe because you keep calling women ‘chicks’, you pig,” she teases.

He chuckles. “Yeah, maybe. But the thing is…Emily, I’m dying.”

Emily’s jaw hits the ground. “Wh—what? How?”

“Stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Guess I waited too long for that check up,” he says as he looks away with tears in his eyes.

Emily stares at her friend. “How…how long?”

“A few months now. Truth is I’ve been planning to contact you for a couple of months to make sure you knew so you could keep Louise and Declan protected. Now I have a different favor to ask.” He turns and takes both of Emily’s hands. “Will you take him in, Emily? I need to know his life won’t be completely disrupted by my death. Louise is leaving. I won’t stop that. But I don’t want Declan to have to leave everything he knows because of this.”

Emily stares at him. “Shit, Tom…I…shit…and what do we tell him about Ian?”

“He doesn’t even know Ian. Tell him nothing until he’s older. I figured it would be a conversation I’d have with him when he graduated college. He knows he’s adopted but he doesn’t know why. Well, he thinks his parents are dead. And now they are.”

Emily runs a hand down her face. “Tom…surely there’s something that can be done? A new medicine? A clinic somewhere? God, anything you need I will pay for!”

“There is nothing, Emily. I’ve looked. What I need now is to know my son will be okay after I’m gone. Please…give me that bit of peace!” he pleads.

Emily stares at him. “Tom, it’s not just my decision. I have a wife and son. Tom, I’m pregnant!”

“What? I…I didn’t…Ian didn’t…”

“NO! God, no. This was planned before that.” She shoves her hands in her pockets and starts to pace. As she makes a turn a figure catches the corner of her eye. She spins and stares towards the path leading to the memorial. She sees no one but suddenly the hair on the back of her neck stands up. “Tom, we’re being watched,” she whispers.

Tom scans the area. He sees no one but suddenly he feels the scrutiny, too. They both move their hands to their guns, turning so they are back to back.

* * *

 

JJ, Morgan, Reid and Rossi had taken up positions where they could see Emily and the stranger but they could not be seen. JJ isn’t sure what Emily sees when she looks towards Rossi’s position but it becomes clear very quickly that both Emily and her friend are now aware they are under observation. When firearms are pulled, JJ knows she needs to end this.

“Holy shit,” she mutters.

She steps out from behind a tree. Emily sees her and her stance relaxes but her face is full of fury.

“Son of a bitch,” Emily mutters.

“Isn’t that your wife?” Tom asks.

“Yes.” The other three step into view. “In fact it’s my whole damn team. How the fuck did they find me?”

Tom chuckles. “They are good at what they do. And something tells me they are pissed as hell at you.”

“Feeling is mutual.” Emily sighs. “Let me get rid of them. Jen and I will have to talk privately about this, Tom. Please understand that.”

“I do.”

Emily holsters her firearm and heads towards her friends. JJ is beyond furious.

“What the hell, Emily? You disappear, make sure we can’t track you, and fucking use Lauren Reynolds as your alias? Are you fucking insane?” JJ hollers.

“Damn it, Jen, I didn’t expect to be followed by YOU! You all are supposed to be at work! There is nothing happening here that was supposed to concern you. Only…only now it does. Fuck!”

JJ recognizes that Emily’s last cuss is not aimed at her. She steps closer. “Emily, what’s going on? You have to understand why we’re scared,” she says gently.

Emily looks from JJ to her three friends. Her shoulders slump in defeat. “Jen, guys, his name is Tom Colter. He’s…he’s been raising Declan Doyle as his own son.”

The FBI agents are stunned. Reid is the first to find his voice.

“So he’s the one that helped you save Declan from Easter?”

Emily nods. “Yes. And now…now he’s dying.” She turns to JJ. “He wants us to take in Declan when he…he…passes.”

JJ’s eyes widen. “Wh—what?”

“I told him we have to talk.” She glances at the guys. “I figured we’d discuss this in private later. When I came I thought he was just confirming that Doyle was really dead and that his network is destroyed. I swear, Jen, I didn’t know he was going to spring this on me. And I used covert tactics because…” she looks away in shame, “…because I’m still terrified someone could be after me. It wasn’t to shake you it was to shake a ghost. I’m sorry I scared you; all of you.”

Rossi reaches out and squeezes Emily’s arm. “I don’t blame you, kid. I’d be sneaky, too.”

Emily manages a smile. “Look, Jen, can we talk about this in depth later? For now can you all just…just give us some space? Please?”

Morgan looks to JJ to take the lead on this. The blonde stares at her wife for a moment before nodding. “Okay. But we talk. This weekend. And you reschedule with Dr. Westfallen. She’s how we figured out something was going on.”

“Ah. Okay. I planned to call her after this meeting ended. Now I really need to see her after this meeting.” She pulls JJ into a hug. “I am so sorry I scared you. It wasn’t my intention. I swear.”

“I know, sweetheart. But my emotions where you’re concerned are a little raw right now. As to hearing you use that particular alias, that’s just another thing I’ll need to work out with the doc this afternoon.”

Emily smiles. “I’ll bet. So, am I still in the doghouse with you guys?”

Morgan smiles. “I’ll forgive you this time. But next time you’re ass is mine, Prentiss.”

She smiles. “Deal.”

Reid studies Emily a moment. “If you need to talk or anything, let me know. Declan lost his father as a young kid and may lose his father again.” He shrugs. “I may be able to help a bit with that.”

Emily smiles at him. “Thanks, Reid.” She looks back at JJ. “See you tonight?”

JJ smiles. “Count on it.”

They share a quick kiss then separate. Emily makes her way back to Tom.

“She’s beautiful,” he says.

Emily smiles. “Yes, she is. Inside and out. Look, we’ll talk this weekend. It’s not that I don’t want Declan. God, Tom, I loved that little kid. But there is so much…much crap surrounding this situation that we really have to make sure we don’t make things worse for him.”

“I understand. I want him to be with you but I’ll understand if it’s not to be. Would it be okay for us to call and speak without the covert ops next time?”

Emily smiles. “Yes, I think so. And, Tom, I swear, if you hear of anything that could help you, let me know. I don’t care what it costs.”

He smiles. “Thanks. There are a couple things going on overseas. Maybe I’ll look into them.”

“Do it. For Declan. He doesn’t need to lose his Daddy again.”

Tom smiles, tears in his eyes. “Okay. I’ll let you know.”

They share a hug then head back towards the Metro. Emily makes her way back to Virginia. At the parking lot in Springfield she reconnects the rental car GPS before proceeding south to get her Lexus. When she finally gets home, her mother smiles at her.

“Did you have a good doctor’s appointment?”

“Um, I sort of cancelled it.”

Elizabeth frowns. “Emily, I know I always told you shrinks were for the weak. But I was wrong. Please, honey, try to reschedule. It could help you.” She strokes a hand through Emily’s hair. “I don’t want you to keep having nightmares. Please call.”

Emily nods and reaches for her phone. “I will.” She sees she has a voicemail. She listens to it and grins as she hangs up. “Good news, Mom, the doc will see me at 3:15 today.”

Elizabeth smiles. “Good. Now, where were you.”

“I…I went to see an old friend,” Emily admits.

“Ah, good. Did you have a good visit?”

Emily thinks about Tom’s revelation and his request. “It was…enlightening. I’ll be upstairs doing a case review. I love you.”

She kisses her mother on the cheek and heads up to work on one of the files JJ had brought home to her. She needed the sense of normalcy the case file will bring, as sad and scary as that sounds.


	8. Chapter 8

Dr. Lara Westfallen smiles at Emily. “I was worried when you cancelled this morning. Is everything okay?”

Emily chuckles humorlessly. “Well, that’s a loaded question, Doc. Is everything okay? Let’s see, my nightmares came true sparking more nightmares. I found out a friend is dying and needs me to take in his son, which is a whole other web of lies. My life is spiraling out of my control and I can’t even look myself in the mirror. You could publish a freakin’ book on me and no one would believe it’s real. Where the hell do I begin?”

Dr. Westfallen sits back in her seat. “Well, I will admit, you never bore me, Emily.” Emily manages a smile. “Let’s start with the one that is hardest to avoid. Why won’t you look in the mirror? Those are just bruises and cuts, Emily. They are there because you’re alive and healing.”

Emily starts to pace, which tells Westfallen a lot about her patient’s state of mind. “I don’t care about my face. I mean, I do but I can look at those. It’s what Ian did…did to my breast I can’t look at. And I can’t…can’t believe Jen could look at it and not think me weak or disgusting or…or just dirty.”

“Emily, did he rape you?” she asks quietly.

Emily shakes her head. “No. God, he wouldn’t have had to. I… tried to…to have sex with him to stay alive. But I couldn’t. In my mind I saw Jen’s face and knew I couldn’t willingly give myself to him. He knew then he’d never have me the way he wanted so…so he marked me as his instead.”

“Marked you how?” Westfallen presses.

Emily stands, staring at the wall, her arms crossed protectively over her chest. Just as Westfallen thinks she won’t answer, the brunette takes a shuddering breath. “He…he…branded me,” she finally whispers.

Westfallen cringes. “Oh, Emily, I’m so sorry. Has Jennifer seen it?”

Emily nods. “She…she did. And I showed her best friend because…because I knew Jen would need the support dealing with it.”

“That was very brave of you. Tell me, did Jennifer tell you it made you dirty or disgusting or weak?”

“No,” Emily admits.

“So if she can look at it and still love you why can’t you look at it and love yourself?”

“I…I don’t know,” Emily concedes. She thinks a moment. “He could have raped me and I think I’d have been better. Those wounds would heal. But this…this is a constant fucking reminder that he had me and I was helpless to stop him doing whatever the hell he wanted to. He even told me he was killing off my whole team because I stole his phone and called them. He told me that as if he was telling me the fucking weather. I couldn’t do a damn THING!”

She punches the wall to emphasize her point. Westfallen leaps up and wraps Emily in a hug. The profiler breaks down, tears and sobs weakening her legs so that she’d have fallen if the doctor hadn’t been there.

“Easy, Emily. Sit down, honey. Here you go,” she guides her to the couch. She kneels in front of her and takes her hands. “Tell me, Emily, did he have you restrained in some way?” Emily just nods. “Could you have gotten away from the branding?” Emily shakes her head. “If you could have gotten away, protected your friends, would you have?”

“Of…of course,” Emily whispers. “But I couldn’t. I was too weak. I let them down.”

“You let no one down, Emily. You called for help and help came. You’re sitting here, hurting mentally and physically, because you survived. Where is Ian?”

“He…he’s dead. Jen killed him.”

“Exactly. How is your baby doing?”

Emily almost smiles. “Good. My blood pressure is up but the baby is okay.”

“Then you didn’t let your baby down. Emily, look at me.” Emily slowly raises her head. “You survived. And you will keep surviving because that’s what you do. You will survive, you will protect your family, you will protect your friend, and you will protect innocents from the monsters that we know inhabit this earth. And you will do that because you are a survivor and a fighter. Ian didn’t take that spirit from you. You just have to find where you hid it while in his hands.”

Emily slowly nods. “I’ll…I’ll try.”

“Good. And Emily, start by looking at that brand. I know you have to keep it until the baby is born. It’s not going away but you can control it instead of letting it control you. Think about that.”

“I…I will,” she promises.

“Now, my next appointment is probably here. Maybe she should join us for a few minutes.”

Emily frowns. “J—Jen?” Westfallen nods. “Oh. Um, I guess. If she wants to, that is.”

Westfallen smiles. “Let me check.”

Westfallen heads out to the waiting area to find JJ pacing. JJ stops and stares at the doctor.

“I saw her car. She’s here?”

Westfallen nods. “Yes. Want to join us for a few minutes?”

“Hell yeah. If she wants me to.”

Westfallen takes JJ’s hand. “I think this is more what she needs than what she wants.”

JJ nods, understanding. They head in and find Emily still sitting on the edge of the couch. JJ moves to her.

“Hey, baby. How you doing?”

“Pretty fucked. How about you?”

JJ grins, appreciating the sarcasm as being part of Emily reasserting itself. “Kinda the same. It seems the woman I love more than life itself is having a hard time these last couple of weeks. I want to help her.”

Emily slowly looks up at her wife. “You probably came to the right place. The doc is pretty good…for a shrink.”

JJ grins as Westfallen chuckles. “On that note,” the doctor says. “Emily, does Jennifer know why you won’t look at the brand?”

Emily nods. “Yes. Mostly.”

“Mostly?” JJ pushes.

Emily tries to speak but can’t. Westfallen takes the lead. “Jennifer, does the brand makes Emily seem weak, disgusting and dirty in your mind?”

“What? No! Never! God, Emily, it makes me think no such thing!” JJ kneels down in front of her wife. “Emily, I’ve told you: that mark means  _nothing_  to me other than you are alive. If I can see it everyday that means I’m seeing  _you_. That’s what I care about. That fucking mark can be erased eventually or stay right where it is. It just doesn’t matter to me. It’s you that matters.  _You_! Why don’t you believe me?”

“I…I don’t know. I just can’t. It’s what I feel about myself so how can you not feel it?”

JJ stares into Emily’s eyes. “If it was me, what would you feel?”

“What?”

“Doyle was planning to take me. You have to know that, Em. That dream you had last night was close to a reality. We both know that. If he had branded me would I be dirty, disgusting or weak in your eyes?”

Emily shakes her head. “No! Never!”

“Then why do you think so little of me that you believe I would think such things about you?”

Emily stares into JJ’s blue eyes, wishing she could just get lost in them forever. She finally sees in them the truth that she has not wanted to believe. “You still love me,” she says wondrously.

JJ can’t help but smile. “You bet your ass I do, Mrs. Prentiss. Just like I know you would still love me were the situation reversed.”

Emily nods. “Always.” She pulls JJ close. After a few minutes she leans back and looks into JJ’s eyes. “I…I’m not cured, Jen. But I swear I think I’m turning a corner.”

“Good. I’ll be here when the road gets rough. I promise.” She leans in and gives her wife a gentle kiss. “I love you, Emily. Now and always.”

Emily leans her forehead against JJ’s. “Te amo, Jen.”

Westfallen smiles. She knows there is a long way to go and both women will have breakdowns as well as breakthroughs. But she also can see that as long as they have each other there is nothing they won’t overcome.


	9. Chapter 9

When JJ gets out of her appointment she finds Emily still sitting in the parking lot. She heads to the Lexus and taps on the window. Emily opens the door and gets out.

“How you doing?” Emily asks.

JJ nods. “Better.”

Emily sighs. “We have a lot of shit to deal with, don’t we?”

JJ nods again. “Oh, yeah.”

“You’re still pissed about this morning, aren’t you?”

“Pretty much. I mean part of me gets it but part of me doesn’t. I need to know: if we hadn’t caught you, would you have admitted what you did? I mean, about being…being Lauren and sneaky and crap?”

Emily sighs. “I don’t know. I wish I did.’

“Do you have other fake identities set up?”

“No, actually. Most people that did what I did do but, well, I figured if I ever went on the run Lauren would have the contacts I’d need to make other names up.”

“Scarily that makes sense. Are you going to burn those ID’s and credit cards now?”

Emily looks away. “Maybe. Eventually. But not yet. Not until…until I really feel safe.”

JJ nods. “Fair enough. They’re your safety blanket for now. But someday I hope to help you get rid of them.”

Emily nods. “You will. I promise.”

“What about us?”

Emily frowns. “What do you mean what about us?”

“Look at yourself, Em. You’re arms are crossed, you can barely look at me, your body is so tense you look like you’re ready to run. We had a moment in there when I saw the love in your eyes for me. Now I just see fear. What are you scared of? Tell me right now what are you scared of?”

“Everything. I’ve never been so scared in my life, Jen. I’m scared you’ll get tired of me and leave me. Or that you’ll get so upset about the brand you won’t want to be around me. I’m scared you’ll think about the horror I brought into your life, the threat to Henry that I created, and you’ll leave me. And I’m scared I’m going to wake up with that bastard touching me, stroking my face, taunting me. And…and I’m scared all this stress is hurting the baby. I could keep going. It’s probably easier to ask what I’m   _not_   scared of.”

JJ stares at her a moment. “Okay, then: what are you NOT scared of?”

Emily stares into her eyes. “I’m not scared of how much I love you. When I was with Ian I…I told myself I should have run the other way when I knew I was falling in love with you; that I should have never, ever let you return that love. But the whole time it was that love that kept me going. I knew I would fight him to get back to you and at the same time keep you safe from him. I love you more than I ever thought I would love anyone. I’m scared what that love could do to you or to Henry but I’m not scared of having that love in my heart.”

JJ steps to her and pulls her into a deep kiss. When it ends she continues to hold her wife. “Never be scared of that love, baby. Never. I’m sorry I snapped a little but I was scared you were pulling away from me. I didn’t recognize that you were actually clinging to me in your own way. I’m here for you however you need me to be. I promise. And I’m not going anywhere.”

Emily holds her wife tightly. For the first time she really feels like she might be able to beat the demons that are threatening to drive her insane. “I love you, Jennifer. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, Emily.”

They finally break away, regretting that both of their vehicles are there. They separate long enough to drive home. Each time Emily glances in her rearview mirror to see JJ she feels a warmth steal over her, promising to thaw the icy grip of fear that has taken over her insides.

* * *

 

When they arrive home they are surprised to see a rental car in the driveway. JJ pulls into the garage, wondering who it could be. Emily walks inside, meeting JJ at the Camry.

“We expecting anyone?”

“I thought everyone was already here,” JJ comments.

Inside they find an agitated Will pacing in the living room.

“Will! I didn’t know you were coming this weekend,” JJ says to him.

“It’s a quick trip,” he snaps. He glares at Emily. “We need to talk. Now.”

JJ steps in front of Emily. “What’s going on, Will?”

“What’s going on? Seriously? You dare ask that when a fucking madman threatened to steal my son?!”

JJ bristles. “Will, that’s not fair.”

“BULLSHIT!” He turns his attention back to Emily. “Any others fuckers from your past going to threaten my boy? You say you love him but you brought that threat into his life! We fucking deserved to know what your past could do to him before we allowed you near him. But no one knew! You selfish BITCH!”

Emily is shaking from the verbal attack. JJ is radiating fury. “I DID know!”

Will looks back at JJ. “What? You knew? You knew and you didn’t warn me? What if that bastard had come at us in New Orleans? I should have been told! Maybe then we could have come up with a better custody agreement. A   _safer_   one.”

“Go to hell, Will!” JJ spits. “Nothing happened to Henry. He is safe because Emily made sure he was safe. Look at her  _face_ , Will. She took those beatings to protect him! She was willing to DIE for him!”

“Yeah, well she wouldn’t have had to if she had stayed the hell out of his life from the start. She knew the threat involved if her past caught up to her. And it  _did_   catch up to her! What if Henry had been with her that day? Tell me that! What if he had been with her?”

“He wasn’t, Will. He was here, safe. And then he was moved into protective custody on Quantico. He was never in danger. Ever!”

Will gets up in JJ’s face. “Don’t fucking tell me you believe that.” He glares at Emily. “I don’t want you anywhere near my son. My lawyers will be in touch to discuss the changes in custody. Until then, he’ll be at the hotel with me.”

JJ grabs his arm. “NO! Will, he’s my son, too!”

“As long as that bitch is in this house Henry won’t be!”

He turns and storms out of the house. JJ races into the kitchen to find her parents and in-laws looking helpless.

“Where’s Henry?”

“With his aunt at the hotel,” Sandy answers.

She hands JJ a piece of paper. It’s a temporary order granting full custody to Will. JJ slowly shakes her head.

“No…no…he can’t. NO!”

Her knees give out and she would have fallen if Gerald hadn’t caught her. Emily stands in the doorway, stricken. She looks to her mother, who just nods. The Prentiss connections are working. Will was not going to hurt JJ this way without a fight.

Emily turns and walks outside. She stares up at the gray sky for a moment before going to her Lexus and driving away. She needed to think. She would not be the reason JJ loses Henry. And she didn’t want Henry to lose Will, either. The Prentiss lawyers would crush the cop from New Orleans. But is that fair? He’s just scared for his son.

Emily drives aimlessly for an hour. She finally pulls over in Lee District Park in Alexandria. She sits in her SUV outside the rec center, wondering if she has the strength to do the right thing.

“I have to divorce Jennifer,” she whispers.


	10. Chapter 10

When Will looks through the peephole on the door he sighs. “Go away,” he orders without even opening it.

“No. We need to talk, Will. Just you and me.”

“You’re not going to change my mind, Emily.”

“Just give me one chance. What could it hurt?” she pleads.

Will thinks it over and finally opens the door. He doesn’t invite Emily in. “You have five minutes.”

“If I divorce Jen and sign an order stating I will stay away from Henry will you reconsider taking him from her? The only thing is I’m carrying Jen’s child. When we exchange custody Henry may be with her but we can do the exchange under observation so you know I’m not interfering in his life.”

Will looks away. “I…I don’t know…”

“Damn it, Will, don’t punish Jen and Henry because you’re pissed at me. And here’s another point of fact: you know my parents have connections that could crush you and would keep you from ever seeing him again. I don’t want that for you or Henry. Despite what you might think I love Henry. I was willing to die for him, Will. I still am.”

“Then why the hell did you let a man like Doyle into your life?”

“Fuck, Will, I never expected to have someone like Jen, let alone Henry, in my life! To be honest, I took that assignment because I was hoping it would kill me. I had nothing to live for. I wasn’t close to my parents, I didn’t love anyone and sure as hell didn’t feel worthy of being loved. The only thing that kept me from eating my own gun was my Catholic upbringing and fear that my afterlife would be worse than the Hell on Earth I was already living in.” Emily takes a deep breath. “But I lived, Will. And Jen taught me what love is. Henry taught me that my past doesn’t define me. I owe them both so much. Don’t let me be the reason they are torn apart. I at least owe them that much.”

Will stares at the ceiling. From behind him a voice calls.

“William! Is that dinner?”

“No, Aunt Jolene.”

“Well then who—oh, it’s her,” Jolene LaMontagne says, glaring at Emily. She holds Henry in her arms and he gets excited.

“MAMA!”

Emily forces a smile to her face. “Hey, Champ. Have fun with Daddy and Aunty. I love you.”

“Don’t you speak to him, you spawn of Satan!” Jolene sneers as she turns and heads back out of site.

Henry keeps calling Mama, a tantrum brewing. Emily shakes her head.

“I…I’m sorry, Will.” Will just nods at her. “Look, please consider my offer. For Jen and Henry.”

“You’d really do that? Walk away from them?”

“If I had to, yes. I love them that much.”

Will runs a hand over his face. His aunt hollers at him.

“WILLIAM! Sent that beast away and come back to your son!”

“Shut UP, Aunt Jolene,” Will snaps. He was regretting not only listening to the woman but also letting her come with him. He looks at Emily. “Can you guarantee some bastard you put away never comes after him again?”

Emily stares into his eyes. “Can you?”

Will’s eyes narrow. He was so concerned with Emily’s past he hadn’t stopped to consider his own. Or JJ’s. All three had put away men and women who would not hesitate to seek revenge on them. It’s a risk all law enforcement officers take when they swear to uphold the law. They both hear Henry screaming loudly for his Mama and Jolene trying unsuccessfully to calm him. Will steps back and gestures for Emily to come inside.

“Sounds like my son needs his Mama.”

Emily stares at him. “Really?”

Will nods. “Really. Shit…I’m a fucking ass, Emily. And I shouldn’t have listened to that bigoted woman. But I was scared and I did. JJ’s gonna kill me.”

“Not if you stop this before it goes any further, Will.”

Will sighs. “It’s stopped. I swear. Why don’t you go ahead and take him home. Our flight leaves at 6:15 tomorrow morning.”

Emily sighs in relief. “Thank you, Will. I really am sorry for the fear you must have felt.”

“I know you are. And I know you love him and would do everything in your power to protect him. I’m just sorry I forgot that for a time.”

Emily smiles. “I understand.”

They walk into the hotel room. Will picks up Henry’s winter coat and looks at his aunt. “Henry’s going home.” She goes to say something and he raises his hand. “And if you ever want to have a relationship with me or him again you’ll shut up now, Aunt Jolene. He’s going home with his Mama to his Mommy.”

“You’re making a mistake,” Jolene hisses at him.

“My only mistake was listening to you instead of talking to JJ and Emily about my fears. Give him here so we can get him bundled up.” He looks at Emily. “You have a car seat?”

Emily nods. “Yes.”

“Okay.”

Thirty minutes later Emily unlocks the front door of her house. She hears the murmurs in the kitchen and heads that way.

“Jennifer, I promise our lawyers will take care of this,” Gerald assures his daughter in law.

“It’s dealt with, Dad,” Emily says from the hallway.

JJ spins around. “HENRY!”

She races to her wife and takes their son in her arms. She hugs him so tightly Emily is worried she could hurt him.

“Easy, Jen. Let’s get his coat off, okay?”

JJ just nods. “H—how?”

“I went and talked to Will. He’s sorry. He made the mistake of listening to his Aunt Jolene. Her spite and bigotry mixed with his fear made him react badly. He’s stopping the legal action. Everything will be okay, Jen. I swear.”

As Emily talked, she’d eased Henry out of his coat. The little boy throws his arms around his mommy’s neck and kisses her cheek. JJ reaches out and pulls Emily into a group hug.

“Thank you, Em. Thank you so much.”

“No thanks needed, honey. I wasn’t going to let this happen to you or Henry.” She kisses JJ’s forehead. “I was willing to do anything to stop this.”

“Anything?” JJ questions.

Emily smiles. “Tell you later. Right now,” she looks at her parents, “call your dogs off of Will. This is over and I won’t have them hurt Henry’s father.”

Gerald looks like he wants to argue but Elizabeth lays a hand on his shoulder. “You’re sure, honey?”

“Yes, Mom. I’m sure.”

Elizabeth nods. “Okay.”

* * *

 

That night as Emily gets ready for bed JJ walks up and pulls her into a hug. “Okay, talk.”

Emily sighs and sits down on the bed. She tells JJ everything that was said with Will. When she finishes, JJ takes Emily’s face in her hands and gives her a deep kiss.

“Thank you for what you did. But if you think I’d give you a divorce you’re nuts.”

Emily grins. “To be honest, I kinda figured Jolene was feeding Will’s fury. Once I heard her there at the hotel I knew I could get through to him.”

“And if she hadn’t been there? You’d have divorced me?”

“We would have discussed it if my parent’s connections didn’t settle things for us. I love you, Jen. I will not be the reason you lose your son. Not to Will, not to Doyle, not to anyone,” Emily vows.

JJ stares into Emily’s eyes. “He’s  _our_  son. Don’t you fucking forget it, Emily Prentiss.”

Emily smiles. “Yes, ma’am.”

They stare at each other for a few minute. JJ sees the spark that had been missing in the brown eyes staring back at her. She swallows and runs her hand through Emily’s hair.

“You’re ready to look, aren’t you?” she asks quietly.

Emily slowly nods. “Yes. With help.”

JJ nods. “You have it.”

JJ takes Emily’s hand and leads her to the bathroom. Once again, JJ stands behind her wife and unbuttons the blouse Emily wears. Emily takes a deep breath and slowly moves the blouse off of her breast. She winces as she sees the angry red shamrock marring her beauty. Her eyes fill with tears.

“How can you not hate me for that?” she asks JJ.

“I hate that you’re hurt by it. But I can never hate  _you_ , Emily. I love you.” She rubs her hand over Emily’s stomach. “I love the child that you carry within you. I love the way you love and protect our son. And I love that you are alive.” She brings a hand up near the mark, careful not to touch the still healing wound. “Whether you have it removed or leave it, the important thing to remember is you’re here, he’s not. That’s all I give a damn about.”

Emily slowly turns in her wife’s arms. “I love you, Jennifer Prentiss.” She leans down and gives her a deep kiss. When it ends she stares into her wife’s eyes. “Can…can I make love to you tonight?”

JJ doesn’t answer with words. She simply takes Emily’s hand and moves it to her breast. Emily inhales as she feels JJ’s nipple harden through the shirt and bra. She kisses JJ again as her hands unbutton JJ’s blouse and slip it to the floor. One flick of her wrist and JJ’s bra is undone. As Emily fills her hands with her wife’s breasts she moans into the kiss that has not stopped.

As one, they start towards the bedroom. By the time they are there, Emily has lost her shirt and bra also. Hands caress torsos, reacquainting both of them with the sensations only her wife can bring her.

Emily slowly undoes JJ’s slacks, sliding her hand into them to cup JJ’s hot, wet center.

“God, Jen, you feel so good. So fucking good.” She kneels and slides JJ’s pants and underwear down. As JJ steps out of them, Emily slides her tongue along the crease at JJ’s hip down to JJ’s damp curls.

“Oh, Emily…yes….baby…”

Emily grips JJ’s ass and pulls her closer as she slides her flat tongue over JJ’s clit before sucking it into her mouth.

“Oh, Em! Baby…please…need you, too. Please…”

JJ’s taste and her request make Emily almost impossibly wetter. She releases JJ and allows her to lie back on the bed. Emily quickly sheds the rest of her clothes before climbing on top of her wife. Their legs twine together, allowing their clits to rub on the tight thigh muscles.

“I love you, Jen,” Emily whispers before claiming her wife’s mouth once more.

JJ moans as she tastes herself on Emily’s lips. She rocks up against her, needing more, moaning in frustration as Emily eases away. She then moans in ecstasy as Emily slides her hand between them. Her palm rubs JJ’s clit as two fingers dive in. Her hips help her thrust hard, deep, and fast. JJ meets every thrust, keening as Emily drives her to the edge of heaven.

They move faster, harder, neither woman wanting the feelings to end. Finally JJ’s hips still for a moment as Emily thrusts twice more. Finally an orgasm rips through JJ and her scream is swallowed by Emily, who comes just from feeling her wife’s reaction.

They lay together for a moment, gasping for breath with Emily collapsed on top of her wife. Finally Emily moves off, her hand still buried in JJ’s love. Their eyes lock and finally JJ nods. Emily eases out of her and JJ’s hips thrust as she comes once more. Emily smiles.

“I love that I can do that to you; that I can make you feel so much.”

JJ strokes a hand down Emily’s cheek. “You’re the only one who ever has or ever could. Promise me you will not leave me. No matter what.”

“I promise, Jen. I love you.”

They kiss again. JJ slowly pushes Emily to her back. She stares into Emily’s eyes as her hands play with Emily’s unhurt breast. Slowly JJ brings her mouth down to the marred breast. She slowly kisses the nipple.

“Mine. All mine.”

“Yes, Jen. Yours,” Emily agrees as JJ reclaims that which Doyle had tried to steal.

Her mouth moves to the other breast that she kisses and sucks with abandon as Emily moans and writhes below her. JJ shifts and settles between Emily’s legs. She slowly kisses her way down her wife’s body. Finally she reaches her destination.

Emily has to bite her lip to keep from crying out as JJ’s tongue dives deep within in her. After a few minutes, Emily needs more. She grasps JJ’s hair.

“Please, baby, more. More. Please, baby.”

JJ slides two fingers in as her mouth moves back to Emily’s clit. She sucks the hard jewel as she pumps in and out, meeting each thrust of Emily’s hips. Finally Emily can’t hold back. She comes with a roar, the love of her wife driving her over the edge. JJ works her way back up.

“I love you, Emily Prentiss.”

“I love you, Jennifer Prentiss.”

JJ shifts. For the first time since Emily had come home, it is the brunette cradling her wife as they slip off to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

Sunday after both sets of grandparents had left, Emily looks nervously at JJ. “So, uh, how do I look?”

JJ studies her wife. She wears jeans, a red sweater and her black leather jacket with matching boots. She looks sexy as hell but that’s not what Emily is going for. JJ smiles.

“You look fine, honey. Are you sure about the hair?”

Emily runs her hand through her still light brown locks. “I have no idea. If I look too much like Lauren I could hurt him. But if I don’t look like her I could scare him. I’m screwed either way, really.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come? I could wait in the car if you want,” JJ offers.

Emily takes a deep breath. “No. No, I need to do this on my own for the first meeting. Or reintroduction, I guess it is. Jen, are you sure about this?”

JJ takes Emily’s hands. “If he needs a home he has one here. I’m sure.”

Emily pulls her close. “You’re an amazing woman, Jennifer Prentiss. I love you.”

“I love you, too. Good luck.”

They exchange a kiss and Emily heads out to Occoquan Park to meet up with Tom Colter and Declan Doyle Colter. She pulls in and sees her friend passing a football with a young, blonde boy. Her mind briefly flashes to playing hide-n-go-seek with a four year old boy who was just happy to have someone to play with. He was a sweet little boy. Now he’s a 12 year old, apparently well-adjusted pre-teen. But what would he think of Emily…or rather Lauren?

Taking a deep breath, running her thumb over her wedding band she gets out of the car and slowly approaches them. Declan sees her coming and his mouth drops open as he stiffens. She forces a smile to her face even though she is terrified.

“Hi, Declan,” she says nervously.

“La—Lauren?”

“Yes. Sort of. Um, actually, my name is Emily.”

“Emily? But…why? I thought you were going to come with us. Where have you been?”

“I…I lied to you, Declan. I couldn’t go with you. It would have been too dangerous. But…I loved you too much to admit that. It tore me up to watch you get on that plane and know I’d probably never see you again. I can never say I’m sorry enough. All I could do was pray that you’d find a good home with Tom. I’d say you did.”

Declan stares at her. He looks at Tom and back to Emily. “So…so you made sure I got to Dad? With Louise?”

Emily nods. “Yes. And then to keep you safe I had to stay away. But your father always knew how to reach me if he needed to. I never stopped caring about you, Declan. And I never stopped missing you.” She smiles at him. “You’ve grown into a very handsome young man.”

Declan smiles. “Thanks. So, uh, why are you here now? Why is it suddenly not dangerous?”

Emily glances at Tom who nods. “Declan…do you remember…your birth father?”

Declan shrugs. “Kinda. I remember you more because he wasn’t around much and didn’t really do much with me. You and Louise were the only ones who really played with me and stuff. And I remember you singing to me, too.”

Emily smiles. “Yes, I did.” She takes another deep breath. “Declan, when I knew you back then…in Tuscany…I worked for Interpol. And your father was…well…he was…”

“He was a weapons dealer,” Declan says.

Both Tom and Emily look shocked. Tom steps forward.

“Declan, how did you know?” Tom asks him.

“Internet, Dad,” he answers as if it should be obvious. “I…I wanted to know why you and Louise always got so nervous when I asked about him. One search and I saw all about him getting arrested in France and how he was a really bad guy.”

Tom lays his hands on Declan’s shoulders. “Dec, I wish you’d told me.”

Declan smiles. “I didn’t want to upset you. And I got enough answers to understand why you had to tell me he’s dead. You didn’t want me to think I could be like him.”

Tom pulls him into a hug. “You never cease to amaze me, Dec.” He looks at Emily. “Is it any wonder why I love this kid?”

“Da-ad,” Declan says in the embarrassed way only a teenager can intonate.

“He’s seems like a good kid. He had a good man raising him.” She sighs. “So, if you know about your birth father does that mean…you know about…about me?”

Declan shrugs. “I can guess. You were one of the cops that took him down.”

Emily nods. “Yes. I spent over a year working my way to him. Then I had to…to get close to him. Declan, I…I got close to your father so he could be stopped. It was my fault he was arrested and that you and Louise had to go into hiding for a time before getting adopted by Tom. And I couldn’t risk seeing you because I couldn’t let…let Ian Doyle or his friends or his enemies know where you were. You would never be safe if I was around. I hope you understand that.”

He shrugs. “I do. But why can you be around me now?”

Emily sighs. “Dec, Ian…your birth father…he’s really dead now and his whole network is crushed. And, well, I know Louise wants to go home to her family. She hasn’t seen them in so long.”

Declan nods. “I know. Dad and I talked to her about it and we’re happy for her. I can stay in touch with her and stuff. I’ll always love her.”

Emily smiles. “That’s good.” She looks at Tom, who nods. “Well, I can understand if that answer is no but I’d kind of like to have you back in my life. I’ve got a wife named Jennifer and a stepson named Henry. And I’m pregnant myself.”

Declan’s eyes widen. “You are? How’d your wife get you pregnant?”

Emily blushes. “Uh, well, that’s probably a discussion you should have with your dad. So, um, would it be okay if I got to know you again?”

Declan smiles and nods. “Sure. Are you still with Interpol?”

“Nope. I’m with the FBI. I’m in a unit that goes around the country helping local cops profile bad guys so they can catch them.”

“Oh. Cool.”

Emily nods. “Yeah, it kind of is. So, maybe you and my family can have dinner or go to the zoo or something really soon. Would that be okay?”

Declan looks at Tom, who nods. Declan looks back at Emily. “Sure. When?”

“I…I don’t know. My job can be kind of unpredictable but maybe we can do something next weekend. If a case comes up though I might have to change things.”

Declan nods. “That’s fine. I understand.” He looks at her a second. “Can I maybe send you my lacrosse schedule? You could come watch me play.”

Emily smiles. “That would be great, Declan. I’d really like that.” She pulls out a card that has her email and phone numbers on it. “I wrote this out for you in case you wanted it.”

Declan takes it. “Cool. Um, La—uh, Emily? Can you tell me the song you used to sing? I sort of remember it. It always made me feel safe.”

Emily nods. “Sure. I can even email you a copy if you want. I recorded it for my stepson Henry for when I’m away. Truth is, until Henry, I had forgotten the song. I think…I think it reminded me too much of you so I blocked it out of my mind.”

Tom lays his hands on Declan’s shoulders. “Well, I hate to say this but I think we need to head home. Dec has homework to do.”

Emily smiles. “No problem. I’m really glad to see you again, Declan.” She brushes a hand through his hair. “You really are a handsome young man.”

He blushes. “Thanks.”

They walk to the parking lot together. Emily gives them both a hug goodbye. Just before she gets into her SUV Declan stops her.

“Emily?”

She turns to him. “Yes?”

“Did…did you kill my father?”

Emily shakes her head. “No, I didn’t. But I was there when it happened.”

“Oh. Is he the one that hurt your face?”

Emily slowly nods. “Yes, he is.”

Declan stares at her a moment, then gets into his dad’s car. Emily exchanges a look with Tom, not sure what to make of Declan’s reaction to the answers to those questions.

As Tom drives away, Emily waves. She then gets in her car and sits there a moment before heading home. Was she nuts for even considering taking in Declan considering the tangled web of lies and hatred that defined her relationship with Ian? Maybe. But she would still do it if he gets along with Jen and Henry. She owed it to Tom and to Declan.

The entire drive home her mind is filled with memories of playing in a large house with a happy little blonde boy. Of course, that also means remembering her time with Ian. Though there were good times they were tempered always with the fear of being discovered.

She is not surprised when JJ meets her at the door of the house. She gives her a hug.

“How was it?”

Emily smiles. “He’s smart. He knows what Ian Doyle was. He’d looked him up on the internet. And he knew I was the reason Ian was arrested. Before I left he…he asked if I killed Ian.”

“What did you tell him?”

“The truth. I told him no. And when he asked if Ian was the one that hurt my face I told him yes.”

“What did he say?”

Emily shrugs. “Nothing. Just got in Tom’s car. But he took my information. And he said he’d like to meet you and Henry. I told him if the job allows maybe we can go to the zoo or something.”

JJ smiles. “That would be great. Can I ask why you look so…haunted?”

Emily sighs. “Am I crazy for considering taking him in? As more comes out about me and Ian and…and you…”

“Emily, we need to talk to Tom. Declan needs to know everything. He deserves the chance to make an informed decision about his future. It’s only fair.”

Emily sighs. “You’re right.” She pulls JJ close. “Guess that’s why I keep you around.”

JJ smiles. “Hopefully not the only reason.” She gives her wife a kiss. “Come on. It’s dinner time.”

* * *

 

That night it’s obvious to JJ that Emily’s mind is still troubling over whether or not taking Declan in is fair to the child. As they crawl into bed, JJ pulls her wife close.

“Emily, the fact that you are this worried about him tells me how much you love him. Just relax. We have time to work this out. Okay?”

Emily nods. “Thank you, Jen, for understanding why I am so torn about this. I just want to do right by him.”

“I know, baby. I know.”

Emily lays her head on JJ’s shoulder. The blonde strokes her hand through her wife’s hair soothingly until she finally falls asleep. She kisses her forehead.

“I love you, Emily,” she whispers to her.

* * *

 

_Emily struggles against the ropes tying her to the bed. She is naked and vulnerable. Her wrists are raw from her struggles._

_“Come on, damn it! Break or something. Please! Please break!”_

_“Won’t help, love.”_

_Emily turns and looks towards the door. Ian stands there, a leer on his face that makes her shiver. He starts to walk to the bed, stripping off his clothes as he goes. Emily shakes her head._

_“No, please, Ian. Please don’t! Please! NO!”_

_Ian climbs on top of her. “You used to scream ‘Yes’, love. Let’s see if we can get you to scream that again.”_

_As he enters her…_

* * *

 

...she wakes up screaming.

“NOOOOOOOO!”

“EMILY!” JJ screams, trying to get through to her wife.

Emily’s eyes are wide, her face pale. She is shaking. JJ reaches out to touch her but Emily shies away.

“No…don’t touch me…please don’t touch me yet.” Emily begs.

JJ nods raising her hands up. “Okay, honey. I’m right here as soon as you’re ready.”

Emily stares into the darkness, seeing nothing but the nightmare rape she was about to endure. JJ studies her, thinking she knows what might have been happening in her wife’s mind.

“Emily, he didn’t rape you. Your mind is just fucking with you…shit…no pun intended.”

Emily’s breathing slowly calms. She finally looks to JJ. “Um…I think…I need you now.”

JJ just moves closer and pulls her into a hug. Emily starts to cry. “Shh, baby, it’s okay. You’re safe. He can never, ever hurt you or anyone else ever again.”

JJ holds her wife, rocking her and whispering words of encouragement until she finally falls back asleep. JJ stares at the wall, wondering when if ever the ghost of Ian Doyle will leave her wife alone.


	12. Chapter 12

“So you told Will you’d divorce Jennifer? And what did Jennifer say when you told her this?”

Emily grins. “Would you believe she was just so happy to see Henry she let it slide?”

Dr. Westfallen chuckles, glad to see a bit of humor back in Emily. “Not a chance.”

“She was kind of pissed and told me I was nuts if I thought she’d divorce me. And she was more pissed that I said I didn’t want her to lose  _her_   son. She pointed out that he’s  _our_  son.” Emily looks down at her clasped hands. “I guess…I guess somehow I sort of feel I don’t deserve him right now.”

“Why not?”

Emily sighs and sits back. “I’ve just brought so much…much stress and turmoil into their lives. I mean, hell, I jumped off a cliff at one point. Why the hell Jen didn’t run then I don’t know. And now…now this whole Doyle thing coming back to haunt us in more than my dreams.”

“But it’s over, Emily. He’s dead. His men are dead. You’re alive. What makes you sit here looking like you’re still ready to take that ring off forever?”

Emily suddenly realizes she is toying with her wedding band, sliding it up and down her ring finger. She frowns. “She’s always going to be in my head. Lauren. The things she did, the people she killed, the things…the things she did with Ian.” She sighs. “I was ready to do them again. I tried. But then I couldn’t. Why not?”

Westfallen raises an eyebrow. “Are you really asking?” Emily nods. “You love Jennifer, Emily. You pledged your heart and body to her.”

“But she told me to…to…God DAMN her!” Her hands start to shake. “She told me to fuck him. Why the hell would she tell me that?”

“Emily, she wanted you to survive. She wasn’t asking you to cheat on her.”

Emily looks up at the ceiling, tears on her cheeks. “She thought the only way I could survive was to be a whore for him. I have been that already. Why didn’t she think more of me? Why didn’t she…she think I could…or they could…shit…”

“Emily, I think she was giving you an out. She hoped you wouldn’t have to have sex with him but she didn’t want you to be forcibly raped. She knew that would be harder on you than if you controlled the situation.” Westfallen sees she’s not getting through to her patient. “Emily, if Ian had taken Jennifer and her only hope of keeping him happy was having sex with him, what would you have told her to do? What would you want her to do to save her life?”

Emily thinks about the question. “I…I’d tell her to do whatever he wanted,” she answers quietly.

“And would you be mad at her for having sex with him? For pleasuring him with her body?”

Emily cringes at the image. “No. Not with her. I’d kill him. I’d…” her eyes widen. “I’d empty my fucking clip into him. Oh, shit…she didn’t know. She didn’t know he hadn’t.” She rubs her hands over her face. “She emptied her clip into him. Doc, she didn’t need to. She did it…she did it to avenge me. Three shots, center mass to stop him. Then 7 or 8 more shots just for the hell of it.”

“Not for the hell of it, Emily. For you.”

“For me…I’m such a shit. How can I be mad at her?”

“Because you two haven’t really talked it all through. You’ve talked around it, you’ve hit a couple of points, but you haven’t hashed it all out. And by all, I mean what happened all those years ago up to your kidnapping. Emily…he made you a victim. You need to face what that means to you as Jennifer’s wife, and you need to face what that means for Jennifer as your wife. Think you two are up for a joint session?”

Emily sighs. “Do we have a choice?”

“Not if you want to heal the crack in your relationship.”

Emily slowly nods. “I want to. It…it won’t be easy. Lauren Reynolds did a lot of things I’ve buried behind brick and steel walls.”

“Then I’d say it’s time to blow those walls up with dynamite.” Westfallen smiles. “I always did love a good explosion.”

Emily smiles in spite of her mood. “Me, too. What time is Jen coming today?”

“She’ll be here at 5. When do you go back to work?”

“Supposedly Thursday if my blood pressure is better.”

“Is it?”

Emily gives a wry grin. “What do you think?”

“So probably Monday.”

“If I’m lucky,” Emily concedes. “Truth is, I’ll take as much time as I need to protect Rocky.”

“Rocky?” Westfallen asks.

Emily chuckles. “Ask Jen about that one.”

* * *

 

When JJ gets home she smells lasagna cooking. “God, I love Francesca,” she murmurs. She heads into the kitchen to find Emily feeding Henry.

“Come on, Champ, one more bite.”

“NO!”

“Please? One more bite then you get a cookie,” Emily bargains.

“NO! Mommy!”

Emily sits back and grins. “No, I’m Mama.”

JJ smiles but says nothing.

“NO! Mommy!” He waves towards JJ. Emily turns and sees her wife standing there.

“Ah, I see. Mommy is sneaking up on me. Not nice.”

JJ walks over and gives him a kiss on his head. “Hi, Henry. How’s my boy? Dinner good?”

“NO!” He says with a big smile.

JJ chuckles. “I’ll take that as a yes since you’re smiling.” She looks at Emily. “Tomorrow at 5?”

Emily nods. “Works for me.”

JJ kisses her. “Good. I look forward to it.”

She heads upstairs to get changed. By the time she gets down Henry is zooming around in his walker while Emily moves dinner from the oven to the kitchen table.

“Smells great. I love when Francesca makes her lasagna.”

“For your information, Mrs. Prentiss, ** _I_ **  made this lasagna.”

“Really? Wow. I look forward to trying it.”

They sit down and start to eat. There is an uneasy silence between them for the first time they can remember. Even their conversation since JJ got home has been stunted. As they finish their meal, JJ stands to clear her plate but Emily reaches for her hand, stopping her.

“Jen, I’m going to be…I said stuff…hell…” She takes a deep breath. “I didn’t know I was mad at you until my talk with Doc today. And I didn’t mean to be mad at you. It just sort of happened. But despite what we have to work through, I love you. Please don’t doubt that.”

JJ stares at her wife. “I think I’m mad at you, too. Dr. Westfallen warned me the appointment could be…confrontational. We’re going to say stuff to each other that can rip us apart.”

“Or that could bring us back together.” Emily stands and pulls JJ into her arms. “I know we both have some major issues to deal with regarding Ian and Lauren and everything that happened. Can I just go ahead and apologize now and tell you that no matter what I love you? I want us to work things out, Jen. I want…want to be clean for you again.”

JJ lays her head on Emily’s shoulder, pulling her close. “I love you, Emily. Regardless of what we say tomorrow that won’t change. I just want us to find our way back to ‘us’ again. I want to make love to you because we love each other, not because we’re scared of what might have been.”

Emily kisses her wife’s temple. “I want that, too, Jen. I want that so much.”

They stand there for a moment…that is interrupted when Henry crashes his walker into their legs. JJ nearly falls on him but Emily’s strong arms hold her up. Emily chuckles.

“Gee, Champ, were we ignoring you?”

He smiles up at them. “Mama! Mommy! Cookie!”

Emily laughs. “Well, I did promise him a cookie.” She bends down and picks him up. “Come on, Henry. Let’s get you a cookie.”

“MMMM! Cookie!”

JJ smiles as Emily takes him over and gives him a cookie before setting him back in his high chair. Watching the brunette interact with the little boy, JJ can’t imagine a world without both of them in her life. When Emily turns she sees the tears in JJ’s eyes.

“Jennifer?”

JJ shakes her head. “I just love you two so much.”

Emily walks over and pulls her close. “We love you, too, baby. I promise…we’ll get through my issues and your issues and our issues. Hell, we can even work on other people’s issues if it means we stay together.”

JJ can’t help but chuckle. “You’re crazy, you know that, right?”

“Only about you, Jennifer Prentiss. Only about you.”

* * *

 

“So you’re PISSED that I emptied my CLIP into the bastard? Really?”

“NO! I’m pissed that you thought I’d give myself willingly to him! That you thought I could just turn back into a whore!”

“I didn’t want you to be a WHORE, Emily. I wanted you to stay ALIVE!”

“And the only way I could do that would be to spread my legs? Is that it?”

“Well it sure as hell worked the first time you dealt with him, didn’t it?”

Westfallen just sits in her chair and watches the two women screaming at each other. In the neutrality of her office they can say the things to each other they wouldn’t say in their home. She knows it’s a catharsis they both need.

“That’s not fucking fair, Jen. I was doing a God damn job!”

“Oh really? And how many times do you think I had to spread my legs for the job?”

“Well, gee, I think it got the job somewhere in New Orleans, didn’t it?” Emily retorts.

JJ’s eyes widen. “We didn’t…I didn’t…we were…FUCK YOU! Will and I dated for a year! And we didn’t start dating until AFTER the fucking case! And if you think I’m going to regret my time with him I won’t. Without him we wouldn’t have Henry. Or would you prefer to not have Henry?”

Emily looks as though JJ physically smacked her. “How  _dare_  you say that! How  _dare_   you imply I don’t want Henry!”

“Well, you’re mighty quick to find another son. And he’s the son of the man that tortured you!”

“Don’t you dare hold Ian against Declan,” Emily says with a homicidal calm. “That’s not fair to Declan. Should I hold any of Will’s faults against Henry? You can’t hold the sins of the father against the child.”

JJ turns away, pinching the bridge of her nose. “You’re right. I’m sorry. That was a low blow.” She slowly turns and looks at Westfallen. “Are you going to jump in here anytime soon or do you plan to let us come to blows?”

Westfallen smiles. “If I thought you’d come to blows I’d intervene. The truth is I think you needed to yell and vent and scream at each other a little. Something tells me you haven’t wanted to get mad at each other since Emily got back.”

“That’s true,” JJ admits. “I was too busy being mad at myself.” She looks into Emily’s eyes. “I should have been with you, Em. Fuck that damn meeting, I should have been with you.”

Emily steps to her and takes her hands. “I’m glad you weren’t. Jen, if he hadn’t killed you he would have…God, I can’t even say what he would have done.”

“Tell me, Em. I need to know that I couldn’t have helped you.”

Emily steps away and starts to pace. “If he hadn’t raped you himself he’d have let his men have their way with you. He’d have…have beat you, branded you, tortured you. Jen, he’d have made you beg for death or…or made me beg for your death, anything to make the pain end. If you had been with me we would have never been found.”

“And if he had demanded sex from you and you’d said no?”

Emily stiffens. “He couldn’t have raped me.” She turns and looks into JJ’s eyes. “But he would have let his men have me. The brand was…was his way of reminding them who I belonged to.”

“Oh my God! He was…was setting you up to be raped by them?” JJ asks, appalled.

Emily nods, tears in her eyes. “Yes. It was just one more way for him to exert power over me. He knew he couldn’t have my heart or mind. Those are yours. So he’d take my body. And now…now even you know,” she brings a hand to her breast, “that he has claimed me. That’s why I had a hard time looking at it. That’s why I couldn’t believe you could look at me and not be disgusted.”

JJ stares at her wife. “I should have reloaded and pumped another clip in his fucking body,” she says viciously. “Yep, I think that cured me of my worries I’d regret the extra shots into him.”

Emily can’t help but smile. “You can be a scary, scary woman, Jennifer.”

JJ grins. “Yeah, I know. Our kids’ friends are going to hate me.”

“Yep. Big time.” Emily takes JJ’s hand and pulls her closer. “He didn’t rape me but you didn’t know. He was already dead from the stopping shots. The extra shots made you feel better. And there’s nothing wrong with that considering the two weeks in hell you’d been living. So, I say we make a deal: you stop being mad at yourself for those bullets and I’ll stop being mad at myself for letting him brand me.”

JJ takes Emily’s other hand. “I think that sounds like a good deal. As long as you know I never, ever thought you were a whore or a slut. I just wanted you to stay alive however you had to until I could get to you. And I wanted it to be on your terms, not his. I wanted you to take control of the situation.”

Emily leans her forehead onto JJ’s. “I know that now. Thank you, baby. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Westfallen stands. “So, I think it’s safe to say you two are doing much better. Maybe not completely cured, but better. You just needed a little primal therapy.”

JJ smiles. “If primal therapy is yelling at each other, then yep I guess that’s what we needed.”

Emily wraps an arm around JJ’s waist and extends her hand to Westfallen. “Thanks, Doc. I know we’re not done with you but thank you so much for this intervention.”

“It was my pleasure. You two have a good evening. And, Emily, I hope you get back to work soon.”

Emily smiles. “Me, too. I am supposed to go back Thursday if my blood pressure is down. Until tonight, I wasn’t sure I’d make that goal.”

“And now?”

Emily smiles. “And now I’m sure I will.”

JJ rubs Emily’s stomach. “I think you will, too, baby.”

With lighter hearts, the women head for home. That night when they climb into bed, they don’t cling to each other…the hold each other in a loving embrace.

And neither of them has nightmares.


	13. Chapter 13

Emily slowly sits down at her desk. She had been gone from the office for 3 and a half weeks. Coming back to work on Thursday means a short work week. It’s a good way for Emily to get back into the swing of things.

She glances around the currently quiet bullpen. Reid and Morgan’s desks are covered with files. Rossi’s office, though dark would look the same as always: photos and knickknacks from his two stints with the Bureau to balance out the horrors of the case files waiting on his desk.

The light is on in Hotch’s office, no surprise there. If she could see him he’d be sitting at his desk pouring over some report that was probably already late or soon would be. Garcia’s office would be dark but for the light from the screensavers on her many computer screens. Soon that would change.

Right now it’s the calm before the storm, the reason she wanted to get in early. If she can handle the calm and the promise of chaos to come she can handle the actual chaos. It made no sense to JJ but it works for Emily. She turns on her computer and sees her inbox, cleaned out just yesterday from home, already has 20 new messages in it. She scans them until she sees one that makes her smile. She opens it.

_“Welcome back, baby. I love you_.”

She hits reply.

“ _I love you, too, Jen. Thank you for standing by me. With you beside me I can get through anything life throws at me. You are my rock_.”

She hits send and starts to weed through the others. By the time Reid and Morgan arrive an hour later she is done with email and working on her first case file of the day. Reid smiles as he passes by her. Morgan claps her on the shoulder. She smiles at them.

“Welcome back, Em. We missed you,” Reid tells her.

“I missed you guys and this place too.” She grins. “That part’s kind of fucked.”

Morgan laughs. “Definitely. But it feels a hell of a lot better around here with you back.”

“Thanks, Morgan.”

She smiles as they all get back to work. A couple hours later JJ walks through the bullpen.

“Conference room, guys. We have a case. Get your media skills working, Prentiss, you’re going to be busy.”

“You got it, Agent Jareau,” Emily replies as she stands. She grabs her notepad and follows Reid into the conference room. As everyone gets settled they can’t help but look around at each other. Hotch gives Emily a smile.

“Glad to have you back, Prentiss. The team wasn’t the same without you.”

Emily nods. “Thank you, sir. Feels good and right to be here.”

He nods then looks to JJ. “Okay, JJ, what do you have for us?”


End file.
